M asks :
Hi Lucy, I am a 22 year old woman and have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We have just brought our 1st house and have secure jobs. We are both very happy! For the last 2 years, all I have wanted is a baby. Its the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep. I even dream of it most nights! But the problem is, my partner does not feel the same way. Its like a constant craving. I am completely open and honest with him that this is what I want, and talk about it most days but he keeps saying "maybe we will start trying in a few months" this time comes around and he says the same thing. I didn't have much of a 'family' when I grew up and I have so much love to give. I know I'd be the most fantastic mother. It really gets me down everyday. That's what I was put in this world to do and without a child, I feel worthless. I understand this can't be normal? But is there something wrong with me?
Hi M,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps it's time to ask him if he wants this at any point in your future. If he keeps putting it off it could be that he's not ready or it could be that he doesn't want children ever- you need to find out which.
Have you talked about this being a possibility in your future? If everything else is in place, such as your jobs and your home, then maybe it's just that he wants a few more years just the two of you before starting a family.
Finances can be a little unstable when you first move into a house until you have a clearer picture of your outgoings, so maybe he wants to wait until that has all settled down. Children are incredibly expensive, so maybe he wants to have a little money saved up beforehand too.
If you feel so passionately about it and tell him often, then he might feel pressure, which often makes people want the opposite because they don't want to feel forced into something. It should be a joint decision when you are both ready not something that one of you is pushed into.
Now you have a house, it's important that you are open and honest about what you both want from the next few years, so it might be worth having a conversation with him. It may be that you just need to be patient and wait a little longer until he feels he is ready.
There is nothing wrong with you. Many women get to a point in their lives when it's on their mind more than anything else and if you lacked a big family growing up it's probably why you want it even more.
When talking to him it might be worth having a more balanced exchange- so try not to simply tell him what you want but also listen to his side of things too.
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