CC asks :
Hey Lucy,
When I saw him, I immediately fell for him. It wasn't love at first sight, but it came pretty close to it. We've been best friends for over two years now - which is exactly how long I have been in love with him. He is this rich Casanova, who has girls falling at his feet. Recently, he was dating two girls simultaneously, but they figured it out, and despite it, both of them want him back. He attributes it to their true love, whereas I attribute it to their love for his popularity and money. He is perfectly aware of my feelings, for I confessed it all to him, yet whenever he's in any trouble, I am the person he calls. If there are some issues with them, he tells me. He even explains their romantic encounters to me - their dates, kisses, hugs, sleeping together - everything. For him, I listen to it all, just to help him get it all off his chest. Whenever I try to let go of him, he goes all about how I was the one person he believed would stay forever with him, who would never leave him, and I end up staying back. A few days back, he drove me to the place where he usually takes girls on long drives or to get intimate, and explained in detail his recent encounter with his ex, who seduced him there to get back. I still heard it all. After that, he invited her, the ex, to hang out with us - the 'us' being his best friends: three guys and me. He asked me to be friends with her, to make her feel comfortable, so that she can enter our group. And, I did it. But, it was tougher than I expected, for the guy who used to talk to me all the time, barely glanced at me in her presence. She was constantly by his side, and it was like I ceased to exist. I ended up leaving early for I started tearing up. He knew the reasons, yet he feigned ignorance in front of everyone. The next day, he sent me to her place, to convince her to come along to hang out with us again, and I had to do so. I just don't know. It's like he uses me for his own sick pleasure - like I am a second fiddle. When he wants me, I have to be there, but even if I am in tears, he'll choose his sycophant, fake and self-harming girlfriends over me, and expect me to be best friends with them. What do I do, for it hurts every single time?
Our Reply
Hi CC,
It sounds like you feel you are being used by this man and that the friendship you have is not fulfilling your needs.
From his side of things, he has it all; girls falling at his feet, as well as a solid, dependable friend who is there for him through thick and thin, when his women are not. He knows deep down that because of your feelings for him that you will always be someone who will stick by him.
This is both admirable and desirable in a friendship; however there comes a point where you have to get something from it too. At the moment, it sounds very one sided. If he is simply using you to get what he wants and not giving you any support or consideration back then maybe it’s time to really question your relationship.
He knows how you feel therefore perhaps should be a little more considerate about your feelings when he is around other women. Maybe talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you think that the friendship is heavily weighted in his favour then perhaps making him aware of this will help him to appreciate you more and show his gratitude. If not then you might be better off looking for someone else to divert your attentions to.
tagged in Kisses Love Friendship yin and yang best friend agony aunt romantic
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