Coral asks :
Hi Lucy,
Ok, so I’ve fallen for a married man and I need some help!!! I have a boyfriend of 3 years. But I have fallen for a married man that I have been working with for nearly a year. We get on really well, we are always flirting and smiling and looking deeply into each other’s eyes. We work as a team and all get on really well and close and good friends and one of our friends tries to stop us from being near each other at work as I think they can tell we like each other. He always says things like you make me smile and you make me laugh and told me I’m pretty, when we have staff nights out he gets upset if I say I’m not going. First time we went out he hugged me quite a few times. But now our friend has noticed he has backed off a little bit. I’m really confused and i know it’s really wrong to be attracted to him, I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend by thinking of another man and I know he’s married!! We have never told each other that we like each other but the chemistry is so intense! How can i stop my heart feeling for him?? I can’t like him... it’s wrong.
Our Reply
Hi Coral,
It could be that both of you are in a bit of a rut in your current relationships right now which is making you gravitate towards one another. Maybe your partner doesn’t compliment you anymore, or show you as much affection as he did or tell you that you make him smile anymore- like this new guy does. If all of this is lacking the things this guy says to you and does will be much more heightened because you are missing it in your existing relationship. Chances are the same is happening for him.
Neither of you have admitted anything yet, so it might just be harmless flirtation that you have both needed because it’s missing at home. The point is however, is it becoming harmful now you feel you have fallen for him. You both have a lot to lose so whatever is going on needs to be real, or you could jeopardise your relationship and find yourself without each other too.
If you both feel that you want to leave your partners then perhaps that is something you need to discuss. It is only fair to them to be honest with each other but with your boyfriend and his wife as well. Doing anything behind their back would cause more pain. If you are not prepared to leave then it may be work dialling back the hugging and the flirting to something more professional and try to make some changes with your partner so you don’t seek it outside of your home anymore.
tagged in Flirting boyfriend married yin and yang agony aunt
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