Lianne asks :
Hi Lucy,
Me and my boyfriend have just recently broken up I'm finding it really difficult because he's telling his friends how he feels and reasons why he ended it before he can tell me. He keeps saying how he wants to be my best friend because he doesn't want to lose me and he still loves me. He told me to not have any contact for a few days so he can clear his head. He messaged me yesterday telling me how he just wants to be friends, while still telling his friends he loves me but just isn't ready for the relationship. He's been confusing me so much and I miss him more than anything and just want him back but he's already talking to my friends what do I do?
Our Reply
Hi Lianne,
Break ups are confusing times. Your head tells you one thing and your heart tells you another. We are all programmed to be with someone from a very young age and so it feels strange to be on your own. What he has told you and what he has told his friends do add up and have a common thread, that he still loves you- but wants to be your friend. Perhaps his love for you is one that has changed from romantic to platonic. Often couples say this because they feel like they can’t live without the other person in their life on some level, so a friendship is the next best thing to being in relationship. This could be something that you can maintain, but will take a lot of effort and understanding form both of you.
Just as you want to talk about your break up, he will to and his friends are usually the first port of call. I would suggest calling or talking to him and ask him to stop bringing your friends into it. If he has his own mates then he can talk to them. By involving your friends in it, he must know that it will get back to you and that is not helping you move on.
If you have granted him the same level of respect by not talking to his friend about it then he should do the same.
Lucy x
tagged in Friends break up friend boyfriend yin and yang best friend agony aunt
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