Hannah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I started a new job earlier this year and was warned about one of the bosses being a bit of a ladies man. When I met him I fell for him, we went on a few dates then ended up in a relationship quite early on. He is bipolar and told me he needed to slow things down and he needed to sort his head out before he could get serious with me and that he wouldn't go with any more women. I waited for him but have recently found out he's back with his ex. When I started to accept that he didn't want me and started to see other people he started flirting again and acting like we were still together, I really want to be with him but just don't know what to do?
Our Reply
Hi Hannah,
It sounds like you are both unsure of where the relationship stands.
If he needed time to sort his head out and keep things slow before he could be with you then starting things up with his ex is going against what he told you. He might have done this to justify being back with his ex- if you were not exclusive- then seeing someone else is not out of bounds. That said he did tell you that he wouldn’t go with any more women- so he has broken that promise.
He is likely taking an interest in your again because he can’t have you. Some men want what they can’t have, as soon as they have it, the chase is over and they look elsewhere and so the cycle continues.
Have you talked to him about this? Does he know that you know about his ex? Could you trust him again knowing what happened the last time you thought you were being monogamous?
Ladies men are skilled at making you believe that you are the only thing in their world only to find that perhaps you are not.
If you really like him and want to make this work, then perhaps remind him that you did everything for him that you could to take things at his pace. If he wants you back and you feel you need more form the relationship than last time then it might be wise to lay down these ground rules before you get hurt again.
tagged in Relationship Flirting yin and yang agony aunt
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