Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been with my fiancé for six year, our relationship is great, or has been until last week. He has a very active imagination when it comes to sex and I'm liberal as well. When it's just us in the house then anything goes and it's always good. But over the past two years he has been talking about introducing another person, I've been ok with the idea and to be honest it turned me on quite a bit. So when he went on a lad’s weekend and asked if it would be ok for him to have a one night stand, should the chance occur, I said OK. Big mistake. He did meet a girl on his night out and went back to hers. I've been acting like it’s cool but it's tearing me apart inside. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made; it's all I can think about. I'm stressed and snappy but I can’t tell him why, after all I said it was ok and even kind of encouraged it. What can I do? I can just feel myself getting more and more depressed, and more desperate to look perfect for him so he never wants to do it again. She was prettier and skinnier than me and I'm so frightened I will lose him. Anonymous
Our Reply
Hi Anonymous,
If you don’t talk to him then he could think that you are ok with him doing the same again, which given your feelings after last time might make things much worse.
Sleeping with someone else does not mean that he no longer finds you attractive- after all you say your sex life was fine prior to this so he clearly finds you and your body sexy. She was a one night stand but you are the person he has come home to and wants to be with.
When you spoke of bringing another person into the bedroom, did you actually mean as part of a threesome rather than him having a one night stand? Perhaps a one night stand was a step too far for you and a threesome might be the way to go so he is not going behind your back in future. This will help him to satisfy his crave to introduce someone else into the bedroom but also ensure that you are involved in the act too.
Either way it sounds like you need to find a way to talk to him about this or you could end up being in an open relationship without you really wanting to be. He moved quickly after you gave him the ok, so do you feel you can still trust in him being monogamous in your relationship?.
Perhaps some relationship counselling might help here if the impact of what happened is making it difficult to talk to him about it or that you worry about his future fidelity.
tagged in Relationship One Night Stand yin and yang agony aunt fiance
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