Danielle asks :
Hi Lucy,
My parents were very fond of my boyfriend of two years up until recently. We're both starting our PGCE year in September as we both want to teach. The university is far from my home, and very close to his. We agreed for me to live with him and his parents in September, and so my current housemates have signed a contract for a smaller house come September. My boyfriend has now dropped the bombshell that he's not ready for us to live together, and I'm now forced to find somewhere else to live that isn't too expensive. I can't go back to my housemates, as they have signed a new contract. This has caused friction between my boyfriend and my parents, who now think poorly of him. It's put me in an awkward and stressful position. My parents think I should end the relationship. It's not that simple, as we're going away to Turkey for a week at the beginning of June for my birthday, we're going to Belgium in August/September for his birthday, and already have lots of plans for the summer and the months following September. I just don't know what to do and my head is all over the place. What should I do?
Our Reply
Hi Danielle,
Just because your boyfriend does not want to live with you yet does not mean that he necessarily wants to end things or can't see a future for you both. It is better to be honest about these things before you both get tied into a contract together, which could cause more problems if it’s not working.
There is always accommodation available in student towns- so I would suggest shopping around and trying to find somewhere close to your friends so if you don’t get a rapport going with your new housemates at least they won’t be far away. Is there any chance you can talk to the landlord who is dealing with your friend’s new house and try to see if there is any wiggle room to move in last minute?
Your parents will be naturally protective of you and anything that hurts your feelings- which is likely why they think you should end it. He could have picked a better time- there is no doubt about that- but the situation is still retrievable if you want it to be.
If you think that your have a future and you believe that your boyfriend wants one too then perhaps still go on holiday together. This might give you the time away that you need to revaluate where you are both at in your relationship. You will also be on your own so be able to make the decision without any outside influence.
If you think that this makes your relationship too damaged to come back from then perhaps look to finding someone else to go on holiday in your place or his- a friend perhaps. It sounds like you need to talk to your boyfriend about how he sees the holiday panning out and if it’s worth going in the first place.
Whatever you decide it sounds like the commitments you have made can be reorganised if you feel that they are not right for you both.
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