Anne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have a good friend who also is paid to feed our cat when we go away for 2 months every year. This friend suddenly stopped writing emails to me (she used to write daily) she stopped writing after my mother passed away in February. I was very hurt by this..now I am wondering why, and also, that she may not be the best person to leave in charge of our pet and home when we travel..as she obviously doesn't care for me, and is totally ignoring me after such a loss.. now it's been over 6 weeks since she has written. I even sent her initially the eulogy etc. No reply..
Our Reply
Hi Anne,
Could it be possible that she is a little uneasy about talking about a loss? Some people are very uncomfortable when dealing with death and although it might be argued that she should have been a support at this time, she might have found it very hard to be.
Have you tried visiting her? It might be an option to go and see her and ask her face to face why she has not been in touch. This might sound a little extreme but if you have exhausted all other methods of contact then this could be the only way to engage with her.
Something might have happened at her end which has tied up her time and her thoughts. If you do visit her it might be wise to be gentle with her in case there is something that you are unaware of that has caused her absence.
It might be worth looking into finding some other person or place to care for your cat while you are travelling, just in case your efforts don’t get the results you want. That way you have a back-up if she doesn’t want to look after your house and pet while you are away or she can’t.
tagged in Mother friend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.