Wendy asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have just found out that my husband of 33 years had an affair some 19 years ago and has an 18 year old son. I found out by a letter being sent from his son’s sister. It happened while he was working away in London I think. The sister said in the letter "just to remind you that you have a son who is now 18. And more or less asking for some money towards University or coaching costs as he wants to become a footballer." She even sent a printed photograph of him and strangely enough he does resemble my husband!! We have two grown-up daughters and five grandchildren and I didn’t suspect anything at the time. He has confessed to having the affair but swears he knew nothing of the son. I feel at my wits end as I am finding it hard to come to terms with this. Also I don’t know whether to tell our daughters that they have a half-brother. I would be very grateful for any advice you could give. Thank you.
Our Reply
Hi Wendy,
I would suggest looking into couples counselling. The news you have just found out can alter your family in many ways, so it might be worth discussing what your options are with a professional and decide together what you want to tell your daughters. It sounds like this is very fresh information for you so it might be worth trying to process it yourself first and talking with your husband before taking it elsewhere.
It might not be productive if you tell your daughters now, who will inevitably have an opinion too, while you are still coming to terms with it all yourself.
Once you and your husband have decided on whether you want to work through it together or to go your separate ways, then you might be in a position to tell everyone else of your plans.
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