Sam asks :
Hi Lucy
My partner of two years has a lot of fetishes. I caught him masturbating over porn while I was asleep next to him. He does strange things that sometimes concern me while making love and I feel like his dirty whore. Should I leave him as I have told him I feel like this and feel like I’m not what he wants or he wouldn't have to masturbate while I sleep next to him. He tells me I am his world but don't feel he respects how he makes me feel as he does not ask how I feel when he is being forceful in bed. He continually asks for anal but I always say no, I have tried with him and didn't enjoy it please help.
Our Reply
Hi Sam,
Men tend to masturbate more than women do, that is a fact, some men are turned on by the chance of getting caught in the act, which could be his reason for doing it next to you in bed, not so much a rejection of you, which seems to be how you have interpreted it.
It seems that he is prioritizing his needs and pleasure over yours by asking for something your don’t like to do in bed and neglecting to ask you how you are feeling as he increases the intensity while you are having sex. If you have already talked to him, then perhaps it’s time to see a relationship counsellor, to talk about your sex life with another person. There doesn’t sound like there has been much discussion of why he feels the need to be so rough in bed or why he likes to masturbate next to you when you have asked him to stop. Perhaps if you explore his reasons for this and the seriousness of going to see a professional might help him to realise that you are not taking this lightly.
If he persists on taking your needs for granted then it might be time to find someone who will respect your pleasure levels in the bedroom and not try to encourage you to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing.
tagged in Love Partner yin and yang agony aunt
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