Adidi asks :
Hi Lucy,
My boyfriend of almost a year and half is too close to his soon to be ex-wife. They have a son together who is 11 years; they both share their son 50/50 they both own/share the house which he says belongs to both of them, sometimes he sleeps in his ex's place when she is away. He hasn't introduced his son to me but he knows my children. He still shares his car with his ex saying it saves cost. When his ex and son click a finger he is there and never says no to them. He always comes to me when he is tired and worn out always at night and come morning he is gone, he forgets about me all the time saying he has problems remembering things. We came to breaking up, up to three times because he doesn’t listen to me or how I am feeling. He doesn’t talk and now he’s moved to a house near to his ex. He tells me he has given his ex an entrance key to his new house so she can park the car and also he is going to give his ex his house key. He doesn’t bother about his appearance. I have tried everything to make him see what this is doing us and me but he doesn’t seem to understand. I don't know what to do, I love him please help me.
Hi Adidi,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Maybe you could call a family meeting and talk to them both if speaking to your partner is not working and find some middle ground. If you feel that the relationship is too close then perhaps if you lay down some boundaries together things might improve, so his time is divided equally between you all.
It is natural for a father to want to spend lots of time with his son, just not always his ex-wife. Is there some way you can spend time the three of you together to strengthen the bond between you all? Perhaps suggest that you meet his son and get the ball rolling, which will mean he doesn’t have to leave you to see him.
Could you suggest some relationship counselling for you both? It seems that talking to each other is taking you to the brink of breaking up- so perhaps inviting a new pair of eyes into your relationship might help to come up with solutions that suit you both.
If he is not willing to dial back his relationship with his ex, then perhaps right now is not the time for him and you- if he broke up with her just before you got together then he might not be able to let go of his old life until he has had more time. If this is the case then he needs to be honest with you about his feelings, or you could end up getting even more hurt later down the line.
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