Nicha asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm 27 and fell out with my friend of 12 years. I don’t miss her, we had a petty argument and she treated me awfully and I haven’t spoken to her in 8 months. We've been civil, messaging each other to say happy birthdays and such but it’s all been a bit forced and fake and we've really moved on with our own lives to be honest. I'm quite lonely in my love life and sick of turning up to family events alone, I found myself on a male escorting website. Immediately, I knew it wasn’t for me and felt so deflated and embarrassed. How did I get here? Seriously!! Anyway, I was scrolling through the pages and I saw her fiance up there....charging £200 per hour! The website is not advertised sexually and clearly states it’s for escorting only (despite some of the profiles clearly offering otherwise) but I tossed and turned all night! She has 2 kids, one's his and ones from a previous relationship and they've been together at least 5 years I think. My instincts are telling me to keep quiet - as much as I dislike her; I've seen her go through so much sadness and heartache and still only want her to be happy. She appears to be very happy now with him and I truthfully believe she would lash out at me. How can i forget about what I saw?!
Our Reply
Hi Nicha,
There is perhaps no way to forget about what you saw; however the memory might fade as time goes on and the longer you spend apart. Perhaps it is the shock that is making you focus on it right now.
She might know about what he does on the side- it could be a way of them earning some extra cash for her and her children. If it is not sexual then she might not have as much of an issue with it. Just because the other men on the site offer sex does not mean that he will too.
It would be difficult if you were close, however it sounds like it is also just as difficult even after a break down in friendship. If you are to keep quiet and she does not know now, chances are she will find out through someone else then you don’t have to be the deliverer of bad news. If you found it quite easily then someone else could stumble across it too. She might assume that you are trying to break her relationship up on purpose if things ended badly. If you think she will ‘lash out’ then it’s perhaps best to leave this well alone or you could end up getting hurt too.
It seems that you still have some empathy for her even after what has happened – so perhaps if she does find out and needs some support you could offer her a shoulder to cry on then. Or you could assume that other people in her life would offer her a listening ear just as much as you can.
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