Hi Freya,

This sounds like a very difficult crossroads you have come to in your life.

It might be a case of the ‘grass is greener’ while things are not going to plan with your husband. If you are desperately seeking intimacy from your husband then you may have fallen deeper into this relationship than you would have if your marriage was providing you with more.

If you have never met this man how do you know that you love him? It is arguable, but true romantic love usually can only develop when you are physically with the other person. Some can have a very emotional connection over email, phone conversations and other forms of communication. But it is a very different situation once you are in each other’s company. A different kind of love.

It might be worth trying to rekindle what you had with your husband first, so you can be surer of your potential actions. Have you considered couple’s counselling? This could help you to explore why you felt the need to look elsewhere to seek intimacy and give your husband a chance to discuss why he is not giving you the affection you crave.

23 years is a long time to be with someone and all couples go through stagnant phases in which they both have to make an effort to keep things fresh and alive.

At least after exploring these issues truthfully with your partner you can make a more informed decision of what you want to do. If you haven’t talked about his lack of intimacy towards you he may think everything is fine. If he is made aware of your feelings you might be surprised in the change in him.