Milli asks :
Hi Lucy,
If a guy has smothered his girlfriend throughout their relationship for 3 years and finally she finds her way out of the relationship because she just can’t take it anymore, but soon the guy realises what he has lost and now constantly messages her to give a second chance and constantly apologises for what he has done?? Does he really mean that? Is it worth to giving him another chance?? Please help
Hi Milli,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Being with someone who is full on can be overwhelming and sometimes it can make it harder to leave, for fear of hurting them or finding the right time to tell them so.
All I would ask is how do you feel now you are rid of this relationship? If you feel a sense of relief and freedom then that could be an indicator that you are better off without him. A relationship should not feel stifling, you should still feel a sense of individuality and space to be yourself even if you are with someone.
It might just be that you are feeling insecure about being single and the thought of having that boyfriend figure in your life again is comforting in some way. He might be feeling the same- breaking up can feel like you have lost a part of yourself and once that’s gone you might look to find that part again to feel complete. It sounds like he might have relied heavily on this relationship to be happy if he was the ‘smothering type’, which could make his eagerness to get back together heightened now.
People do deserve second chances in certain situations and if you genuinely feel that he could change then maybe try again. It might be worth laying down some ground rules first so you don’t fall into the same ways you did last time. If you were together for 3 years then bear in mind that these ways will be habits now and hard to escape from without hard work on both parts.
I would give yourself some time to think this one through and figure out if you want to get back together because it’s what you know and you don’t want to leave your comfort zone or if his eagerness is dragging you back into something that you don’t really want to return to. Or if you think he will change his ways then you could try again but I would suggest that you perhaps don't rush into anything and put yourself first right now.
Lucy has worked as a volunteer for Mind and The Samaritans and was a mentor at the University of Central Lancashire in her third year. She has just completed her Level 2 Counselling Concepts Course at Warrington Collegiate.
tagged in Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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