Max asks :
Hi Lucy,
My wife is going on a holiday with 3 single girls in July to an upmarket resort for 10 days staying in a villa. It all resulted from a 4th girl cancelling because her boyfriend didn’t trust her to stay faithful. I didn’t want to seem a prude, so I didn’t object when they asked if my wife would like to replace her. However, I do have concerns. The single girls admit they are going for sex and remarked that the “talent” at this resort is very good. However, my wife is much more attractive than any of them, a pretty slim dark haired lady who men have referred to as “hot”. Also she’s flirty and her attitude to sex is that it’s good fun rather than something that’s only a part of a steady relationship. She’s also rather non-conformist and doesn’t like to do things just because they are the socially accepted norm. She’s also defended some married friends of hers who have had one-night-stands, saying it was “just sex”, but she doesn’t approve of “affairs” as such. On the plus side, she’s 36, at least 10 years older than any of the other girls, and is teetotal. So at least drink and loud partying behaviour won’t be a factor. Also, I’ve no reason to believe that in 10 years of marriage she has ever strayed, and nor have I Not sure if she will cheat, but I think if it is it will be one-night-stands. My dilemma is how to handle it? Discuss my fears first, keep in touch with while she’s away, ask her when she gets back, or say nothing and never know one way or the other. Also, how do I deal with it if she has strayed? Advice appreciated Max London UK
Our Reply
Hi Max,
I think the question comes down to if you trust her or not. If you have no reason to believe that she has strayed before then why should it be factor now? Surely she has been on nights out before where there are other attractive men, all girls’ nights, nights where there are other people drinking? Just because it’s abroad doesn’t necessity mean that the rules are any different.
Perhaps talk to her about your concerns and remind her of what she has said in the past to spark your feelings on the matter so she knows that they are justified. The last thing you need is for it to degenerate into a fight before she leaves and part on bad terms but ultimately it does come from a place of love.
Maybe spend a few nights before she leaves reminding her of what you have together, a meal for two, a romantic gesture or some really fun sex. Like the binge before the diet. If she leaves with memories of how good life is at home she won’t need to even think about or acknowledge other men who might approach her. Her flirty nature might not mean anything more than she likes a bit of playful banter. Maybe don’t read too much into her dialogue with other men- surely it’s better that she flirts rather than acting upon it.
Just because she is travelling with people who are looking for sex doesn’t mean that she will follow suit. Perhaps ask her to call you once she arrives and throughout the holiday as you might not know when is best to call her. That way she won't feel like you are checking up on her but more to find out if she is safe and if she is having a good time.
It is normal to have these worries for it’s likely that other couples go through the same when their partners go away without them. The most important thing is that you trust her and her word.
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