Sue asks :
I feel I cannot cope anymore. I am usually a positive person and have always been the strong one in the family but the last couple of years have been traumatic. Last year my husband was thought to have lung cancer but after 6 months of worry we were so happy to find that this diagnosis was incorrect. Then this year he suffered a heart attack but was lucky after having an operation to recover and is doing well. He is 75 and I am almost 68. We have one daughter and 4 grandchildren. Although they live only 10 minutes away they visited us only half a dozen times in the 4 months he was poorly. As I don't drive and he was'nt allowed to drive we were unable to visit them. My daughter has always been spoilt but I feel let down that she appears to not care about us the way I hoped. In the summer we had a small disagreement and she stopped phoning and having any contact with us for over a month. Although we are now in contact again I feel let down that she could behave this way after nearly losing her father. I realise that she has a busy family life and her children must come first but she seems to have cut us from her life. We were always close and I looked after the little ones when she went to work although I also worked full time. We were feeling sorry enough for ourselves anyway but yesterday our lovely dog who we had had for 8 years died suddenly at home of a heart attack and now I can't stop crying. It seems that everything that has happened in the last two years has caught up with me after having held it all together for so long I I feel such despair. We also run the risk of losing our home in under two years as we cannot afford to live here anymore. I have no=one to talk to as my husband has always been in denial about financial affairs and my daughter does not want to know. How to I get over this dark period.
Yin replies
Hi Sue thanks for writing in.
I would suggest talking to the Samaritans who are available 24/7 to talk to anytime you are feeling like things are getting on top of you. You need to talk to someone and if your daughter is not available right now then I would advise calling them.
Otherwise I would go and see your doctor who can refer you to counsellor if you would rather talk to someone face to face. The important thing at the moment for you is to communicate your feelings to someone.
Yang replies
Your daughter may have reduced her visits because she thinks it’s is the only way to cope with what is happening. Talking to you, she might feel that she will upset you further. Seeing her father might bring her emotions to the surface, when she is perhaps used to seeing him healthy and fit. Couple with the fact that you had a falling out, she might feel ashamed to come over because of that too. It is positive that you are now talking, it might be back to the way it was but given time, you will naturally come back together for the sake of everything you have been through.
Once you have things a little clearer inside you will be able to put plans in place and look to tackle the issue with the house. Give yourself some time to let your emotions settle before thinking about the bigger things. One piece at a time things can become positive again.
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