Hannah asks :
Hi Lucy,
An extremely complicated situation - but long story short, me and my boyfriend have been together just over 5 years - we had a break about 6 months back and in that time I started talking to another guy - have known him for years as a friend. A while after me and my boyfriend got back together - but I've loved spending time with the other guy I haven't actually told him (we've never had sex or anything like that) I just enjoy his time - he puts the effort in that a long term relationship tends to lose. But in my heart of hearts I know I couldn't bear to lose my boyfriend - who do I pick??? And if I end it with the new guy - how on earth do I tell him - as this has been going on for about 5 months now!! I know I sound like an awful person - but it's just got out of control!! Please give me some advice as no-one else knows obviously.
Our Reply
Hi Hannah,
The real question here I think is that if the new guy was not on the scene- how would you feel about your boyfriend? If you still want to leave him then that might tell you what you need to know.
This guy might have confused your situation by giving you a ‘little grass is greener’ complex when things were not so great with your man. If you have already broken up with your boyfriend once then it might have made you doubt your relationship with him, which naturally opens up other possibilities.
Five years is a big difference to a few months so it is likely that this new guy will put in more effort because you are probably still in the honeymoon phase of your friendship. After so long with your partner you might see his faults more easily than this other guy.
Perhaps take one relationship at a time and try not to compare too much. If things are ultimately not right with your boyfriend then maybe it’s time to end things and see where you go from there. Why can you not bear to leave your boyfriend? Do you still love him? Or is it more a security thing? Perhaps things with your boyfriend are comfortable and predictable which has become a bit of a crutch and is making it hard to leave.
Either way, keep in mind that this new guy also has his faults; it's possible that you can’t see them just yet.
tagged in Relationship friend yin and yang agony aunt
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