Kayla asks :
Hi Lucy,
Basically, I've been with my boyfriend for over four years now, and our relationship is dead. There's nothing there at all, no romance, no lust, no sex, and we're only 20! He's never cheated on me, but he's lied plenty, kept secrets and gone behind my back with other things... Not to mention that he spends large amounts of money without telling me. Another guy has been talking to me a lot and made me feel like I'm wanted, but it's not just a little thing with him. I have strong feelings for him, and I want to be with him. I've never cheated on my boyfriend before, and I won't ever. I've told him about my feelings for this new guy, but they've become friends. It's a very weird situation. The new guy is going to America for 3 months to see his family, and he knows my feelings for him too. I don't know what to do. He won't be back until September, and my current boyfriend knows I'm not happy with him. I have a flat with him, a bank account with him, and we share other things too... The thing is, I love my boyfriend, but I'm not IN love with him... But I might be falling for this new guy. I don't know what to do.
Our Reply
Hi Kayla,
It seems that with everything you have told me you see no future in or way of recapturing the relationship with your boyfriend. It sounds like you need to break down everything you need to do so the decision is made a bit easier. If you are not happy with your boyfriend then perhaps look at leaving him first and deal with this other guy later.
You may share things together, which can make it harder to break up with someone, however if you write down what you need to do and work through it then you should be able to finally separate yourself from him, emotionally, financially and geographically. Perhaps look at how long you have left on your flat and plan to move out when your contract is up- and go to the bank and separate your bills so you can close the joint account afterwards.
You have shared your feelings for this man with your boyfriend and it doesn’t sound like he has reacted to it yet. Perhaps he is in denial about your relationship not being what it was. Perhaps he feels the same as you and you telling him this has made him realise that he is not willing to fight for the relationship anymore.
It might be wise to sort everything out with your current man first and then deal with your new guy after he comes back from abroad. That way you are not crossing paths and have time to readjust to being single again so you can potentially look at a new relationship more objectively.
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