Anonymous:
Hi Lucy,
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two and a half years. But he never showed me any affection when we were out in public. Last year we had an abortion and it was a really traumatic experience for me and I find it hard to initiate sex. We had an argument about it a couple weeks ago and he mentioned having an offer from another girl who would "actually have sex with him", as he put it. And lately his messages have been really dull and short. As if it's a chore to talk to me. I love him and I don't want to lose him but I'm worried he's going to leave me soon :( Please give me any advice on what I can to do to save our relationship
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Men cannot appreciate what a woman has been through both psychologically and physically when she has an abortion, so once can make some allowances for that, however they should be supportive where they can.
Threatening to cheat on you with another woman just because you are not ready to initiate sex yet, does not appear to show a lot of understanding. If he was no support for you while you were having an abortion, showed you no attention and is not putting in the effort while you are going through a dry patch sexually, then it doesn’t sound like he is committed to the relationship.
It seems the one thing that might peak his interest is sex and you have already admitted that is not something you are ready for yet. If you want to save the relationship then it sounds like this is only thing that will get this attention, however you could be doing something that you are perhaps not physically or mentally ready for, which could do further damage. Could you talk to him about your feelings to make him appreciate what you have been through?
If he is not going to stick by you in the rough, just the smooth then perhaps he is not the one for you. If he does leave you as you expect he might, then perhaps try to look for someone who will give you the attention you desire and who loves you for more than just as a sexual partner.
tagged in Relationship boyfriend yin and yang agony aunt
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