Mandy asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years now. When I was 8 months pregnant almost 2 years ago I found out he was cheating on me with his cousin’s best friend. They had been talking behind my back throughout our relationship. He says that they only had sex once. I was upset, but a month after I found out he told me to get over it. Seven months later he had unprotected sex with another girl. Throughout all this, and even now he has been in contact with the first girl, who referred to him as her boyfriend. Before I knew who she was the first girl came to his house to see our child. He never told me. The man is financially reliant on me, yet he never spends money on me. I just found out he took out a loan of almost 100k just over a year ago, but he still kept borrowing money from me. He only just started financially supporting our child a few months ago, but I am the baby's primary financial provider. I want to leave him, but get scared at the very thought of this. HELP.
Our Reply
Hi Mandy,
This seems a very vulnerable place to be- with none or little money coming your way to help with the baby and his lack of acknowledgment of how his infidelity has affected you.
It sounds like you have already made your decision on this, but it’s just putting in place the steps to leave him that is holding you back.
Have you got friends or family who could help you out for a bit? Could you move out with them or look for another place on your own? Perhaps if you are renting then look at when your contract is up and try to find somewhere else to coincide with this date. Maybe it would be beneficial to look at what you are entitled to as a single mother living on her own so you can budget for your outgoings and income.
It is a scary thought to leave a partner, especially when you have a child too. There are likely a lot of emotions still tied up with this man even if you believe that you are not right together romantically. Three and a half years is a long time to be with anyone, so it’s breaking a habit, which can be hard.
As long as your have the support around you from others that you trust then you should be able to get the advice and help that you need to be able to move on.
You could find that he is reluctant to provide for your child if you do leave, so that is something you might need to prepare for. If he has borrowed so much money it might be that he simply can’t afford to do so once the interest kicks in. Perhaps look at your income without his contribution for now and if he does pay something towards your childcare then this could be a windfall. If you rely on it, however you might find that you come unstuck.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.