Josie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am 22 my boyfriend is 26. We have a 2 year old daughter together and we have recently only just got back together after he went back to an EX girlfriend while I was pregnant. I have always wanted to be a family with him and my daughter. It’s like I lose all my values when it comes to him. He has done so much to hurt me in the past and I think deep down I know to him I am second best! Since we have been back together we have really realised we don't get along at all anymore. He’s selfish, doesn't help around the house or with our daughter, he tries to control me in most aspects of our relationship and has no respect for me at all. He is constantly putting me down and when I react to this he blames me for the arguing and then tells me it’s over. I always feel so heartbroken when this happens but constantly take him back even though I know we are no good together. Frankly I deserve better; I think I keep carrying on because I don't want him to go back to the EX. I can't live like this anymore but am not sure what to do I need an outsider’s opinion! Thanks xxx
Our Reply
Hi Josie,
It sounds like you have already made your decision about this relationship. You say that you ‘know you are no good together’, that ‘you deserve better’ and that the only reason you are with him is so ‘he doesn’t get back with his ex’.
It seems that you don’t need an outside opinion but that you have realised what you are willing and not willing to put up with from your relationship.
It sounds like all you need to do now is find the right time to leave. If he doesn’t get back with his ex then there will likely be someone else if you both split up, for the chances are he will move on.
You have not mentioned any positive things that you feel about your relationship with this guy, so you might be better off without him and with someone who you can be positive with.
As you bring up your daughter- if you stay with him then she might think that people in a relationship don’t get along or that Dads never help with their children or around the house. She might then take this to her relationships and experience what you have with your partner. Try to remember that however you conduct your own relationship will have an impact on hers and what she thinks is the norm. So perhaps, you not only need to think about how being with your partner is affecting your happiness but hers also.
tagged in Pregnancy daughter yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.