Kay asks :
Hi Lucy,
My partner’s mother recently said she was going to give him a substantial amount of money to him and his sister as a gift as they do have a lot of spare cash. This was about three months ago and just because his sister has refused it, it has not been mentioned since and we could have really used the money to pay off debts that we had. We just wished she had never mentioned it at all, what should we do?
Hi Kay,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps try to forget about it. It might be considered a little rude to ask for it, given that it would have been a windfall, so maybe leave it and if it does come up again then that could be your time to talk about it.
What is the relationship like between your partner and his mother? If it is an honest one then maybe your partner could talk to her about it and stress that you need the money? She might simply want to treat both siblings equally- however if you desperately need it then maybe he could put his pride to one side and tell her how it is.
You haven’t been given it and had it taken away, if it never reached your bank account then perhaps you could go on as if it was never offered to you. If you hang all your hopes on the money coming through then maybe you will be constantly living in hope and try to live outside your means. It might be wise to simply go back to the way things were. It seems that the mention of this money has had a ‘lottery effect’ on you- that you have perhaps already assigned the money to different areas of your life to ease the burden when imagining what it would be like to have it.
It is a shame that his sister has refused the money, when you say that you need it, however it is not necessarily your money to lay claim to if it would have been given as a gift. Coming that close to clearing your debts sounds like a frustrating place to be, however if you could pay them off gradually before then you might be able to continue to do this again if the money is no longer an option.
tagged in Mother Partner Sister yin and yang agony aunt
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