Holly asks :
Hi Lucy,
I posted a quote about being used as a second choice on Instagram and my friend asked me who it was about. I told her and she told the person it was about and now she won't talk to me and doesn't want to be friends with me. What do I do?
Hi Holly,
Agony Aunts on Female First
First of all, I would suggest that if you feel aggrieved by one of your friends, that you talk to them first rather than posting something on Instagram. People can take things the wrong way and assume it’s about them even if it’s not, so it’s always best to be direct if you want to tackle a problem head on.
If your friend has told the person who you were angry with- then it sounds like she is trying to cause trouble between you and this other woman. Real friends would not do this- a real friend would have heard your side of things and then let you make the decision as to whether you want to talk to her or not.
If you are in a friendship group of three, then sometimes people can feel like outsiders as there is an imbalance of numbers. Perhaps she has told her in an attempt to feel closer to her and alienate you out of jealousy. Maybe she likes to encourage drama in your group if she gets bored easily when everyone gets along. Whatever her reason, it sounds like she has done it for negative effect.
Perhaps you could all get together and try to sort this out- that means there can be no gossip or misunderstandings because you will all hear the same things. You could explain to your friend why you felt like a ‘second choice’, maybe apologise for the way you handled it and let her tell her side of things. Your other friend- the messenger- can also tell you why she felt the need to carry that information on elsewhere. If you are going to work as a three- you all need to be honest with one another.
If neither of them is prepared to talk to you and sort this out- then perhaps they are not the people you should be spending your time with. Situations like this can really expose a person for their true colours and if they won’t make the effort to patch things up, it could be that they did not care about the friendship as much as you did.
If that is the case then perhaps it’s time to move on and find friends who have some more discretion and who are looking to work together, not drive each other apart.
tagged in Instagram friend yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.