Sarah asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm in a new relationship, we are together about three months! All is going very well, we said we would be very honest and open with each other which I thought we both were but now I’m not sure. My boyfriend has a female friend who lives in another country. I've met her once when she came over for a weekend. I spent the weekend with both my boyfriend and his female friend. I didn't think anything of it or felt a pang of jealousy that one of my boyfriends close friends is female. However after I left that weekend, she gave him a hard time about me hanging out with them the whole weekend. I didn't take too much notice of this however he is heading over to visit her in October and asked me to join him. I said yes but when he asked her she got annoyed I was coming. Now I've found out that she is his ex. I'm upset that he didn't tell me this himself as I've been very honest with him. He doesn't know that I know. What should I do, should I talk to him about it? I don't want to come across as the paranoid jealous girlfriend as I do trust him. I’m just upset he didn't tell me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Hi Sarah,
Agony Aunts on Female First
I’m not sure how you have found out that this girl is his ex, but perhaps you should bring it up with him and let him know that you are upset that he didn’t volunteer the information. Maybe you could ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned. Perhaps he would not think that you were paranoid and jealous if he thought about it from his potential point of view.
Perhaps it is a positive sign that he wants you there too- if he wanted to cheat on you then perhaps he would have just gone, however he has withheld the truth about this- so maybe you feel you need an explanation as to why.
If she is upset about you tagging along then maybe she is hoping for something more- if he is still in contact with her then maybe he feels the same- but you probably deserve to know either way so you can nip it in the bud now or walk away.
If when you first started dating you stipulated that you wanted an open and honest relationship and he has broken that promise so soon it- could be a sign that he has lied about other things or is prepared to in future.
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