Lizzie asks :
Hi Lucy,
I think my boyfriend is still in love with his deceased ex. They split 3 years ago we got together last May and she passed in September. They have a child. But I can't help feeling I'm 2nd best and I'm the one he's with because he can't have the one he wants. He cries about her whenever he goes to the grave or at any 'tribute'. I'm also 4 months pregnant. Am I right to be concerned?
Hi Lizzie,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If he lost her only last September the emotions may still be raw. If he initiated the break up three years ago perhaps there is some residual guilt there that he was not able to apologise for before she died. It does not necessarily mean that he cares about you any less, just that maybe there was some unfinished business there. Perhaps he's worried about how to help their child through the grief while he is suffering too. Sadness is often a complex emotion to attach one reason to, so it could be a number of things that are causing him to cry.
If he has a child with her then they could be a constant reminder of her if he/she looks like her. It doesn’t sound like you are second best. They decided not to be together and it seems like it was before you met so he left her and then chose you. If there has not been any indication of him wanting to get back with her while you have been together then perhaps the thought never crossed his mind.
Perhaps offer him a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear for a time. You might find out what the reason is once he feels he can verbalise what is going through his mind. At the moment crying seems to be his coping mechanism.
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