Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
I am a married women age 37 have been married for 7 years to my childhood sweetheart. We've been together for 20 years, I love my hubby so much but he has never satisfied me in bed. When we were young I didn’t see anything wrong but as I grew I noticed and spoke to him about it and he always says he's going fix it up until now. Now I have found me a sex partner because I am tired of doing it to myself on my own with my hands. But the thing is every time after having sex with the other guy I feel like crap and hate myself and the guy. What must I do?
Our Reply
Hi Anonymous,
If being with this other man is making you ‘feel like crap’ then perhaps seeing him is not the answer. It could be that you are feeling guilty for straying rather than talking to your husband about things. A vicious cycle that results in you hating this other man and yourself can’t be good for your self-esteem.
Could you suggest some couples counselling to explore why he has not tried to improve things in the bedroom and why you felt the need to go elsewhere?
If he knew, it could be the jolt he needs to make more of an effort with your sex life. It might however, result in a lack of trust, which is why counselling might help you to work through what sounds like the most difficult part of your relationship so far.
If you decide to tell your husband or not, it seems that your reaction to this other man is not a positive one and so perhaps you have not achieved what you wanted to from the affair. Could you find this with your husband again?
tagged in Love married yin and yang agony aunt
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