Lyd asks :
Hi Lucy,
I had an abortion in January. It was a rushed decision as it was nearly 12 weeks. My partner told me if I had the baby he would have nothing to do with it at which point I knew I couldn’t do it alone and my parents wouldn’t be happy with me having a child at 19. The day my partner found out he was 'busy' every day until after the abortion. Didn’t ask how I was, if it went ok or what happens. We hardly even spoke over the weeks. A week or two after I was glad it was over. Then it hit me I have just killed my own baby and why did I listen to him I should of done what I wanted. I haven’t been able to sleep properly, imp constantly anxious, I always think about the baby and I've not been happy since. He came back into my life in March. Just turned up at my house, acting as if everything was ok. But due to the vulnerable state I was in I took him back without a second thought. Not once have we spoken about the abortion, I didn’t want to push him away. I liked having him around as it kind of felt I wasn’t alone anymore cause he knew about it. Even when I found out a few weeks ago he had started seeing someone else I still allowed him round to stay because I didn’t want to let go. It’s over at the moment, no doubt it he ever comes back id take him again, and I don’t want to. I want to know how to get better and get rid of him. I need to look after myself. The GP was not polite when they found out about my abortion, so i've avoided going back about anxiety, even though I know I really should. Not only did I go through it all alone; I know have to cope on my own after. It is tearing me apart. In the last month i've started going out a lot and drinking but I’ve realised it’s not helping at all. I just want to feel like myself again
Hi Lyd,
Agony Aunts on Female First
You have already admitted that you don’t want to take him back, so it’s just about finding that inner strength to say ‘no’.
If the GP was rude to you then perhaps schedule an appointment with another one. There are a few to choose from in every local surgery, so there is nothing wrong with asking or not for a specific doctor. Could you request a female doctor perhaps?
It sounds like you need to talk to someone about your abortion if your ex is not being a support for you at all. Do you have any friends who you can lean on for a bit? You keep saying about being alone- so if you felt you had someone and you were not alone, in the form of a counsellor or a friend for instance, then this might help you not to take him back if he comes knocking.
You have mentioned your parents, however not if they know about it, could you find it in yourself to talk to them? They might be more understanding that you think.
It seems like every time this guy comes back into your life you are more confused and unhappy, so perhaps cutting all contact might help you to move on. It sounds like he was the main decision maker when it came to not having the baby- so maybe now it’s time for you to take charge and make your own decisions from now on and you might feel like yourself again.
tagged in Parents Partner Baby yin and yang agony aunt
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