Lucie asks :
Hi Lucy!
I'm 21 and just finished university. I spent 3 years living far away from home and got used to and enjoyed the independence. Although I have a good home life and relationship with my parents I'm finding it tough living back and home and losing the student life I got used to. It doesn't help that my parents have seemed to forget I am no longer a child but a 21 year old woman who can look after herself. If I go out I have to tell them and be back at a certain time, my mum still barges into my room without knocking and they treat me like a baby. If I do something to annoy my mother she will stay mad the entire day. I'm an only child so have no one else in the house who understands me and I have only got an internship followed by plans to travel so cannot afford to move out any time soon. I've tried calmly explaining to them that I need to be treated and respected as an adult but they just either find it hilarious or get annoyed and nothing changes. What am I meant to do?! Thanks
Our Reply
Hi Lucie,
It can be a very difficult time as you are used to living by your own rules and suddenly you might feel that you are back where you started again.
Perhaps the way to get around this is with actions rather than words. If talking to them is not helping things then maybe get your head down at your internship and try your best to get a paid position there. If you are not earning then could you pick up some night shifts at the weekend or evenings to earn a bit of extra cash- then you can save for your travelling.
If your parents can see that you are acting responsibly to achieve the future you want then they might alter the way that they speak to you. Parents often find it hard to accept that their children have become adults and so it might be difficult for them to see you as one when they are fighting their instincts to take care of you and provide for you.
They also like to feel needed still- so by rebelling against this could explain why they are not responding well. Maybe ask for their advice with your choices and involve them in the decision making process- you might find that they fit in better with that way of communicating rather than what is happening now.
tagged in Parents Child University Relationship yin and yang agony aunt
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