Anthony asks :
hi, Im not one for all this but things are slowly going downhill after 28 years we have 4 children one was killed in a RTA 11 years ago the others range in age from 28 to 8 and the youngest has crohns disease which is fairly bad, Anyway since my wifes 50th birthday where we went to spain in march i have not had a conversation with her because this has happened before and i said i wont go through this again that was 15 years ago the problem lies in our sex lives where im into kissing and cuddling and a normal sex life mabie once or twice a week my wife seems to rush our time together and if i ask for sex as you would on holiday there is an argument and if i don't come after a certain time i get alot of gref from her should i tell her to go?
Hi Anthony,
Agony Aunts on Female First
This sounds frustrating for you, when you want to show your wife physically that you are attracted to her, but she doesn’t seem to be savouring it when you do.
Perhaps the reason she is not into having as much sex as you is because of something psychological. Is she generally insecure about her body? If so, she might see it as something that makes her nervous because she is exposing herself and becoming vulnerable with you. The sooner it’s over the less time she might have to spend feeling this way and get back to her comfort zone, which could explain her reluctance to draw out the experience.
Could it be that she is still suffering from the death of your child? Depression or low moods can effect libido- have you noticed her mood change lately? Maybe you could suggest some counselling or a trip to the doctor if you feel this could be the cause.
Perhaps if talking to her alone is not working suggest some relationship counselling. If you said all those years ago that ‘you won’t go through this again’ then perhaps she feels like she can’t talk to you about your sex life. Or could you be sticking to your word rather than taking an opportunity to discuss your problems in the bedroom?
If your youngest needs a lot of attention then maybe, she is exhausted at the end of the day and doesn’t feel she has the energy for more physical exertion. Whatever the reason, it might be time to break the silence from 15 years ago.
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