Anita asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm back with my ex but he wants to keep it quiet. He won't let me tell my best friend. I feel like I'm going backwards; going back to the person I used to be and I've changed, my life has changed. I can't break up with him because I've done it more than once before. I feel like I keep giving him hope and taking it away. What should I do?
Hi Anita,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There is a chance that he is keeping it under wraps in case he tells people he is in a relationship and then you break up with him again, only to have to update people that he is single once more.
If you have done this a few times maybe people have told him that he should not get back with you and so he is hiding it from those who could disagree with his decision.
He might not have told anyone because he doesn’t have faith that the relationship will last. In that case if you do break up with him it might not come as much of a surprise.
If you feel if you are going backwards then maybe this is your gut telling you that this is the wrong move. If you are a different person now and you like the person you are then why go back on that?
If it’s not right for you then maybe it’s an opportunity to tell him and for the last time. It may hurt his feelings again, but it will hurt him more if you continue dating him if your heart is not really in it.
If you have a history of interruptions in your relationship then this could indicate that you struggle to function together as a couple through the smooth and the rough and are better off apart.
Continuous break ups and reconciliations are not healthy for either of you because it might show that you are not committed to handling difficult situations together- so you turn your back on each other in times of hardship. This is the least helpful way to tackle any problems you might have. Perhaps ask yourself if you are prepared to face them together and work on them and if not maybe it's time to find someone who can fit in with the new you not the old one.
tagged in yin and yang best friend agony aunt
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