Sucheta asks :
Hi Lucy,
I and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 months now. I feel he ignores me on purpose sometimes. Although we live in the same University campus, he finds time to meet me only once in a week. He'd rather have fun with his other friends than me. He also doesn't include me in his life. His explanation being two people should not become dependent on each other. Even when I do call him he's in a hurry to disconnect the call. But when he's meeting me he pampers me. I'm really confused about him. Please help!
Hi Sucheta,
Agony Aunts on Female First
There is no harm in being a little bit dependent on each other while you are in a relationship, however if you see no-one but each other- then you might find it hard when he is not there and vice versa.
It is important that he see his friends as well as you, however if the odds are weighed in their favour then perhaps he is not as invested in this relationship as you.
It is early days so it could be that if you are his first girlfriend, he doesn’t recognise the importance of spending more time with you and is living like he did when he was single. It may take some time for him to realise that a relationship may need more investment than this if he is serious about you.
At the moment he seems to have the control, by deciding the amount of time you spend together as well as talking on the phone. Perhaps the balance needs to be addressed so it is more equal. Could you suggest that you see each other twice a week and build it up gradually? Could you go out with him and his friends so you can be include in group nights out? If the conversation is too short then perhaps be honest and tell him that you need him to listen to you for longer.
It is positive that he makes a fuss of you when you are together but this should extend to more than just at an allotted time and place.
It sounds like you are having a few teething problems as a new couple. If he continues to treat you this way then perhaps it’s a sign that he is not the guy from you. If you want to see your partner regularly and have him be consistent with you whatever company you are in- then you may need to look for this elsewhere. That said, he may just be in the midst of changing habits and acting with caution if this is all unfamiliar to him.
tagged in University yin and yang agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.