Maria asks :
Hi Lucy,
I've been in a relationship for nine months. I thought we were happy but a few weeks ago I found out that he was chatting someone up on Facebook. Now I know I should never have gone through his phone but I just had a feeling something was wrong. Then last week I stupidly did it again and found messages from someone he was talking to and let's just say they weren't very nice texts. But he was blaming me for going through his phone. He's admitted what he did was wrong I'm thinking about giving him another chance but feel like if he was happy then he wouldn't have done any of this. He had a bad upbringing and two abusive relationships. Plus my marriage broke up after 30 years through him cheating so I don't know what to do for the best. I love him so much and the thought of losing him doesn't bear thinking about.
Hi Maria,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It sounds like you have both had experiences in the past that have affected how you see your relationship now. If you have been cheated on then chances are you are more sensitive to it happening again than the next person. Abusive relationships can also leave a mark on the child in many ways that is often carried through to adulthood too.
If he has admitted what he did was wrong then he might not do it again. He has perhaps realised that you are not accepting of that kind of behaviour and so he could avoid it again in future.
If you ‘love him’ and ‘can’t bear your life’ without him then perhaps a second chance might be the way forward here. Now he knows what you deem as inappropriate then he may not do anything of the sort again.
If he does, then perhaps suggest come couples counselling if you think that it is related to his past. He may have some trust issues that he deals with by not committing too much to one person for fear of getting hurt.
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