Mark asks :
Hi Lucy,
My wife is driving me crazy with her clumsiness and inability to handle anything to do with money or simple domestic affairs. Just before I had to go to London for an interview ref a job in Hong Kong, she accidentally threw away the trousers from my suit. Needless to say I had to replace the suit. We went out for a drink together and she spilt not only her own cocktail but also my drink and ruined my clothes. Recently she changed her car insurance and cancelled the direct debit on our house insurance by mistake. I had to call the insurers to put it right. Also she forgot to tell her former insurers she wanted to cancel their policy therefore incurring a hefty service charge. I feel like taking charge of all our finances but don't want to be a control freak. I love her so much, but I just don't trust her because she is so clumsy and careless. What should I do?
Hi Mark,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It does sound like she is struggling to organise all these different things.
It is not being a 'control freak' by taking on this responsibility in the home, but more so- contributing in the areas that you are good at and vice versa. It is much better handled by one person than two as things can get confusing and this is where errors can occur.
Perhaps if you put it to her like this, then she may pass it over to you willingly. If she is having trouble with it all you may not need to explain why you want to deal with it yourself- for she may be thankful that it is not up to her anymore.
If it has caused you both to have to spend more money to put it right, then perhaps she finds it difficult to balance all of the different outgoings against your income. Spending money on fines is reason alone to pay closer attention to this part of your home affairs.
Could you take your suits to get dry cleaned so you can be confident that they will be there when you need them?
Although clumsiness is associated with absent-mindedness, carelessness and impulsivity, it can also be related to unconscious desires to achieve a secondary gain. Might she be jealous of your new job and the time you are devoting to it? Are there other issues going on in your relationship that might have caused her to be less restrained around you? Perhaps there is something underlying here that has exacerbated these actions- it might be worth talking to her if you think that something needs resolving at home.
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