Avoid Hernia Plagued Christmas
As the British public get on their marks for the last-minute Christmas shopping blitz, the British Hernia Centre will be gearing up for an increase in enquiries over the season from those suffering internal ruptures caused by the sheer physical effort of activities such as lifting and moving celebration trees, and carrying heavy shopping.
The British Hernia Centre sees a 20% increase in appointment enquires made in January due to hernias caused or aggravated by Christmas strains, so has put together a definitive survival guide about how to stay in perfect health this Christmas.
Says Clinic Director Dudley Rogg:
* Don't buy anybody a heavy present. They say 'the best things come in small packages' which was a well-advised warning coined by the British Hernia Centre in the childhood days of Charles Dickens (1812-1870).
* Never walk home from the shops loaded with shopping. The prolonged and tiring exercise inevitably leads to two major heath problems:
1. You inevitably end up carrying the weight of your shopping for longer by walking
2. The exercise causes a marked increase in appetite, leading to eating more, resulting in obesity which aggravates hernia problems
3. Clogged arteries are a well known health hazard. Walking, in the same vein, clogs the pavements and busy pavements cause zig-zagging around oncoming pedestrians - a well-known cause of hernia
* Never use public transport to go shopping. Buses usually require a step up from the rain-filled gutter, an action that can strain the human groin, especially when carrying a turkey.
* Always carry exactly the same weight of shopping in each hand. A turkey and green vegetables in a bag in one hand must be offset exactly by a bag of booze, chocolate, cakes and boys-toys in the other. The fine-tuning of that balance is achieved by removing vegetables as required.
* Lifting a heavy turkey into an eye-level oven can be quite injurious to your abdominal health. The turkey is not too keen on it either.
* Eating a heavy turkey is most certainly injurious to your abdominal health!
* Pulling Xmas crackers is to be avoided like the plague. The effort involved in getting the stupid things to 'crack' is not the problem. It is the screaming and tension after finding what is usually inside that aggravates hernias.
* Avoid getting out of bed. Active life is full of risks, germs, dangers and activities which might cause hernias.
* Avoid staying in bed. Coughing and sneezing whilst lying in the wrong position can cause hernias.
"Life, especially at this time of year, is full of danger to the surprisingly frail human abdominal wall.
"However, have no fear. In the event of any suspicious swelling or other symptoms in or around the groin or tummy, simply call the Xmas Holiday Emergency Hernia Helpline 24/7 operated as a gift to the nation by The British Hernia Centre on 020 8201 7000.
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