What should I do if I heard my partner talking about me behind my back?

by Lucy Moore | 9 October 2014

Hi Kyla,

Agony Aunts on Female First

It might depend on what it was about? If you feel that his opinion of you is unjustified then perhaps tell him what you heard and give him your side of the story.

Talking behind your partner’s back can affect the trust in a relationship and you now might be wondering what he has said to other people and if there are other things that bother him about being with you.

Perhaps tell him what you heard and ask that if he has any problems in future that he speak to your about them first. It sounds like you have not been given a chance to potentially change the thing he was negative about- so it’s only fair that he gives you the opportunity to change or to negotiate over the issue.

Couples do this all the time- it’s normal to want to discuss your relationship with other people in varying degrees of bad and good- however of you feel that he has crossed the line and that you don’t want him talking to his sister about the problem, then it’s likely best to nip this in the bud before he tells anyone else or before it gets blown out of proportion. 

Hi Kyla,

I would say it depends on the circumstances under which you heard him talking about you. Did you deliberately try to listen to the conversation or did you just stumble across him talking about you when he didn’t realise you were listening? If it’s the first- then try to remember that even your partner should be given a certain degree of privacy even if you are a couple. If you are listening to his conversations on a regular basis then it might say more about your confidence rather than what he is saying.

Perhaps you feel the need to eavesdrop on his conversations if you are insecure about the relationship. If this is the case then maybe you should question the trust you have in your coupling.  If you do confront him do you think that you could recover from this or is the trust between you completely shattered now?

It also depends what he was saying too- was he talking about your appearance, your personality, your relationship? If it’s something that easily fixed then it might not be something to take to heart, however if it’s deeper than that then it might be something that you could both work on. Think back- have you ever talked about him without his knowledge in a negative way? Are the two issues similar? Perhaps you have had such a profound reaction to this because you both agree on what you think is going astray in your relationship. 

Is it wrong to badmouth your partner?

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by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
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