Dr Linda Papadapolous Talks Sex Addiction

by Helen Earnshaw | 11 August 2009

Californication

To celebrate the release of Californication: Season 2 on DVD August 10, Male First spoke to Dr Linda Papadapolous, one of the most well-known and respected psychologists in the UK.

The rather hot and steamy show stars David Duchovny as the sex-obsessed, drug addled charmer Hank Moody who just can’t say no to sex. We asked Dr Linda for her professional thoughts and diagnosis on Hank and his uncontrollable urge and desire for one night stands and a hedonistic lifestyle.

- The series follows Hank Moody as he tries to avoid falling into the clutches of female temptation. Do you genuinely believe that it is in every man’s genetic makeup to have a roving eye?

One of Hank’s main things is that he seems to be going through an extended mid-life crisis, and one of the main things about a mid-life crisis is re-capturing youth. I think for any man that reaches that stage where they want to re-enforce this notion of virility, desirability and success, one of the things that is going to come up is this idea of sexual prowess and gender specific success.

Different men deal with it in different ways, some men will get there virility from sex, for others it could be something else. This depends on a man’s personality make up, and for Hank his personality is very much bound up in this idea of being a naughty little boy, a bit of a rebel, the kind of guy that walks around the party in his underwear. If you possess a personality such as that, then you’re very much going to be consumed by sex.

-In the show Hank is constantly on and off with his girlfriend; Karen (of 12 years) as he cannot commit to her do you think that relationships today are not taken as seriously as they were say 20 years ago?

Yes, I do think the whole attitude towards monogamy and towards commitment have changed. We live together a lot more than we did 20 years ago. As a consequence of this the whole notion of what it means to be in a committed relationship and what that means to people has changed.

This brings us back to the idea of suspended youth, and how we wish to delay growing up and stay young for as long as possible. I think that one of the main themes of the show is being able to delay gratification, which goes back to this notion of not only selfishness, but also how we stay a lot younger emotionally and intellectually.

- We’re constantly surrounded by the thoughts and images of sex within the media do you think we have become a nation obsessed with sex?

I think we are obsessed with hyper-sexualised gender specific images i.e. where people are made to feel they have to live up to a specific stereotype often perpetuated by what they perceive around them through some forms of entertainment or media.

It can be quite a confusing concept as it shapes the way we see things and gives us these gender specific roles, often making guys feel they have to act in a certain way and sleep with every women they see and not become emotionally involved and view women in a different light.

- Do you think that one-night stands and sleeping with people on first dates is still as taboo as it used to be? Have we as a nation become more relaxed about it?

I do think we have become more relaxed, I do think this is more gender specific though as men and women are seen differently on this subject. You can relate it back to the whole Samantha character in Sex and the City with the idea of women wanting to ‘own’ their sexuality and being proud. I do think we have moved on a bit but I still think there is a gender split with regards to how the different sexes deal with this.

- In your professional opinion what do you believe to be the signs of a mid-life crisis? And is Hank Moody’s behaviour typical of someone that is going through one?

He’s a caricature of a mid-life crisis! It’s all about re-capturing youth and re-capturing that spontaneity and freedom, those things that make you feel good about yourself. It’s the immediate gratification of being able to get the girl and feeling wanted.

- What in your professional opinion are the top 3 signs of a mid-life crisis?

I guess the first sign of a mid-life crisis is someone that starts to become incredibly unhappy with the validity that they perceive themselves to have. It could be things that would normally be deemed as positive such as having a stable job and having a good family are suddenly seen as shackles.

I think the second thing is trying to live in the past tense; wearing the clothes that you used to, trying to drive the car that you used to, displaying the type of behaviour that is associated with being ‘that 20 year old’ again.

I think the third thing is trying to display your value, your desirability and again I think this can be done in very gender specific ways. For women its appearance; perhaps getting plastic surgery and being ‘beautiful’ where as for men it tends to be about success; spending money on a nice car and so on.

- Life has become generally more fast paced and hectic than it was say 20 years ago, we work and play a lot harder than we used to. Do you think mid-life crisis’s are becoming happening at a younger age and if so, that these reasons add to this?

As a psychologist I have seen a few of people over the last couple of years that are dealing with exactly what you have just said. I think a lot of this has to do with the whole work culture that we have and the whole notion of happiness linking to success, and that we have to have succeed at whatever cost.

But then you have to ask yourself what success is defined as. Success is never considered as being happy, but rather an accumulation of things which means I do think we are going to see mid - life crises happening younger and younger.

In a lot of ways I do think that this is due to the fact that we are work driven and focused on speeding through life. You hear of some children going through puberty aged nine or ten now and children that are having sex at aged twelve or thirteen!

If you add on to these facts that we have a very work orientated culture, by the time we reach our thirties it’s no surprise we feel like that!

- Have you got any tips for women with partners similar to Hank Moody on how to keep them in line and if you were Hank Moody’s girlfriend what would you do differently to keep him in check?

He seems almost like a lost cause, but I think clearly it is a self esteem issue and I guess the shrink in me would come out and I would see what I could do to help and where he feels he’s lacking.

I would look at what his behaviour is giving him and what does it substitute. In the show he has sex with a 16 year old daughter of a friend I would ask him ‘what is that giving you?’. Is it giving him a sense of control or a sense of strength or purpose?

Unless he was prepared to negotiate then I’d also make it clear that unless things change that I would walk away but I’d try and help him get through it.

- We surveyed over 2,000 people to try and find out a bit more about their sexual habits and behaviour and some of the results were quite interesting. Katie Price and Sarah Harding came out with the lowest number of votes when asked which female celebrities people would like to sleep with do you think that men are now looking for a girl-next-door type to settle down with rather than a party animal?

It could be that, also I think given the financial crisis that we are in at the moment, anybody that is seen as part of that circle of superficiality and this idea of a ‘celebrity driven’ culture is going to be seen in a more negative light.

Over the last 18 months we’ve gone from celebrating people who seem to earn an awful lot of money, ie. celebrities, bankers etc to actually being suspicious of them.

I think the other part of it is that for a lot of men it’s to do with the chase and if a girl is seen as very available then perhaps it’s not seen as much as that notch on the bed that it once was as opposed to someone who is a little bit more disclosed.

- One of the most interesting results of this survey was that half as many men as women think that infidelity is a sign of a mid-life crisis - is that a typical response?

Yes absolutely! There is research to support this notion - that men considered infidelity to be when their wife was sleeping with another man, whereas women said above all it was when their partner had an emotional relationship with another woman.

The emotional connection for women, if the guy that you love is spending more hours on the phone to another women rather than you that’s going to hurt a lot more than a one-night stand.

- Our survey also revealed that most people believe the average age of a mid life crisis is 40- 45, would you say that is accurate?

I think it happens younger. For a lot of people I would say late thirties for all of the reasons that we have mentioned above. I think for women as well the whole biological clock has an effect on this and the pressure to have a family.