Today is National Awkward Moments Day, and being in a sticky situation in your relationship is not desirable in the least. So we have come up with some awkward situations that all those couples who live together will understand!
He sees you first the first time in your Bridget Jones underwear- There are certain times of the month, where tiny lace, leather or silk knickers are not warranted on the behind. And let's face it guys you wear the same underwear every day- it never even changes colour. If your underwear drawer staple is black boxers, why can't we have the same?!
He catches you with your tash removal crème on- It needs to get done or you look like the old lady from the bottom of your road. Up until now he was under the illusion that your face was smooth and bristle free. At first he thinks you have had a very generous helping of milk, but the reality makes his balls shrink up inside his body.
You fart for the first time ever since you have been together- You are very careful to keep these sorts of behaviours away from him, for its not sexy, even though it took him all of 2 dates to start doing it in front of you. You wait till you're in the bathroom, or in your car or walking down an empty street. But then the fateful day arrives where one slips out and he jumps away from you like you have just projectile vomited all over him. Tip: if this happens on a morning, pretend that you are still sleeping- he won't ask questions!
He discovers your legs pre-holiday wax- You're in a routine of sitting at opposite ends of the couch and laying over one another to get your feet tickled. You forget that your wax is imminent. He places his hand on your leg and it's like he's running his fingers through long grass in a meadow on a summer's day. When you can't tell your legs apart from his, it's time to book in!
He catches you dying your hair- Normally your hair is all bouncy, even in a ponytail, you still look mildly feminine. But then you dye your hair suddenly you look like a brunette version of Ken as it sticks your locks to your head and creates a nice, neat border around your hairline!
You get a tummy bug- At least when you lived apart- you could tell him to avoid coming around so he wouldn't catch something. You could have the peace and quiet of your own bathroom all night without having to worry about length of time spent in there or sound proofing issues. Now you put the TV on loud before you venture upstairs or you block the bottom of the bathroom door to try and drown out any of the noises that your arse is involuntarily creating.
He realises that sex takes preparation- When you lived apart you knew when he was coming over so you could shave, wash and scrub till he arrived. Now spontaneity goes out of the window as we need to schedule in time to do all of these things, unless he wants to feel like he is making love to a Yeti.
You get your period really bad- You leave your tampons on the toilet window sill and talk incessantly about the pain you are getting, how it's ruined your favourite underwear or that you're clotting this month. You forget that you are no longer living with a girl and he looks like he's eaten undercooked chicken.
You catch him watching porn- You went to bed and couldn't get to sleep so you come back downstairs and find him with his hand down his pants and some tart on the TV bumping uglies with a well-endowed man. He moves faster than you do in the Next sale and tries to undo it in a mess of remotes, tissues and ejaculate. You turn back around and wish that you had taken that sleeping pill after all
He finds your vibrator collection- A single girls needs options on a lonely night when there is nothing on TV and all the chocolate has run out. You just don't realise how many you have collected over the years- until now. He finds it and starts to look through mentally comparing the size of them to his own member and you realise just how much of a dirty gadget slut you have become.