Would You Tolerate It?
The recent death of Jacqueline Wisniewski at the hands of her abuse ex-boyfriend has highlighted that abuse relationships can be fatal if tolerated.
The 33-year-old, mother of one, was training to be a nurse and was allegedly shot at point blank range by her surgeon ex-boyfriend, Timothy Jorden Jr. at the Erie County Medical Center in Buffalo, New York in the hours of Wednesday morning.
The two had previously been in a relationship for a year before splitting due to allegations of cheating. Apparently, when together, their relationship was abusive and a friend of Jacqueline’s said that Jacqueline had told her she was deathly scared of Jorden, despite being in love with him.
So why do people tolerate abuse in relationships? Chloe Richards, Psychotherapist, author of Oops! and co-founder of withinreachtherapy.com believes that there are many reasons that people stay in an abusive relationship, one of them being lack of self-worth.
She says, “One common underlying link between many sufferers is one of 'worthiness', they have little to no self-worth and in fact do not think themselves worthy of being treated with respect; an abusive relationship will only promote that feeling thus we have a vicious circle.”
Women’s Aid reported that in the UK there is one incident of domestic abuse reported every minute, which means there are on average 1,440 incidents reported a day.
Chloe believes that many people aren’t even aware they are in an abusive relationship, so it begs the questions, how many incidents are going unreported? Chloe offers an explanation for this.
She says, “Somehow, the person they love can make them feel worthless and wonderful in the space of a few minutes/hours/days/months. Just as they are to 'blame' for the violence, they are soon told how much they are loved.”
As well as this, Chloe believes that threats that come from abusive partners, such as “I’ll kill you/your child/relatives” can also lead someone to stay in an abusive relationship.
Although Jacqueline Wisniewski wasn’t in a relationship with Jorden at the time of her death, it shows that it’s so important to report cases of abuse. Chloe Richards believes that reporting abuse could not only take the sufferer out of danger but can also help the abuser.
She says, “Domestic abusers play to the weaknesses of their partner in order to disguise their own weaknesses - which is why there are an increasing number of support groups and programmes for abusers; treat the problem and hopefully the abuse will stop.”
It’s important to remember that there is no profile for an abuser, and although the relationship may not start in an abusive way, it’s important to leave as soon as it begins to turn. No one deserves an abusive relationship, and although it’s too late for Jacqueline Wisniewski, it doesn’t have to be that way for you.
Cara Mason
tagged in Relationship Abuse