Katy Perry reaches out to Russell Brand – how to cope with your ex this Christmas

21 December 2012

Katy Perry has sent her ex-husband, Russell Brand a congratulatory message after he announced he had been drug free for 10 years. While it may not have repaired all the bitterness and pain from their break-up, it was certainly a magnanimous and gracious gesture.

Many of us, especially if we have children, will also be having to deal with our ex-partners this Christmas. It maybe that you both have your children for part of the big day, take it annual turns to have the kids over Christmas or maybe that you actually have to spend time with your ex, in order to ensure that your children have a happy and relaxed Christmas.

For much of the year you may not have to see much of your ex, perhaps only when you pick up or drop off your children or when you attend parents evenings together. You, he or both of you may now be settled with a new partner. Your split may have been amicable or acrimonious. However your break up happened, seeing your ex at Christmas, with all its pressures on you to be both festive and organised, can take its toll on your emotions.

Yet, this being the season of good will and all that, it is important to try to put aside any resentment, anger and hurt if only for the well-being of your children at this special time.

These are my five top tips to cooping with your ex this Christmas:

- Make your festive arrangements for childcare absolutely watertight and not open to confusion, negotiation or change. By agreeing specific arrangements in advance, you will be able to discuss this with your children, so that they don’t have to fret or be concerned.

- Most kids are pretty adaptable. Even the older ones can see that having two Christmas dinners in one day or a second one on Boxing Day, can be fun rather than awkward or uncomfortable.

- Try and banish all those bad thoughts about your ex, just for the short time you may have to spend with him. Pour a glass of bubbly, smile through gritted teeth if you have to and be determined to avoid any conflict and remain polite and pleasant for as long as it takes. And if you have a new partner, make sure he’s in on the ‘grin and bear it’ loop too!

- If it’s your ex’s turn to have the children on Christmas Day, make sure that you spend the day with other family and friends that you care about, rather than spend the day on your own. And make sure you keep in contact with your children – Skyping them can be a great way to make you all feel more relaxed about the situation.

- Try and put yourself in your ex partner’s shoes, if you have the children this Christmas. If he is local and able to pop round and see them, let him come to the house for an hour or so. If not, do let the children speak to him on the phone or via Skype – you may not feel much empathy for him, but he’s bound to be missing the kids too.