What not to say to a Woman...

1 June 2011

Though you may well think that most is just common sense - the words have a habit of spilling out, and despite their best intentions they will never be well received.

5. There are some jokes that a woman will never find funny and one of those are jibes refering to age. Though you may think you're on safe ground as your missus is 'not bothered' by her age, comments will never be appreciated. Stick to Happy Birthday and a nice piece of jewellery and you cannot go wrong.

4. Under no circumstances refer to your girl in any sort of metaphor, cliche or similie. It is not romantic, nor poetic it is cheesy and lame and women see right through it. We know roses are red and we know violets are blue, we're not like fine wine and life is not like a box of chocolates. Think of your own material, keep it honest and brief - it'll earn you more brownie points that you might think.

3. A woman does not like her 'biological clock' to be referred to as an inanimate object so never ever ask if you can hear it ticking? It will not end well - either you're drawing attention to the fact she does not have children when you know she wants them or pressurising her if she doesn't. Rather than being funny, why not just have a conversation about it with her. Humour may break the ice, but it may also risk a break-up.

2. Never refer to what a woman eats unless saying it looks delicious. If you're aware of her dieting but ploughing into a plate of chips, chocolate and crisps it will not end well for you. Simply watch and listen to what resulted in the pig-out and be there to comfort when we acknowledge a relapse.

1. If self-confidence is at a low point then mentioning 'can you pull off that outfit?' or words to that effect is not the best way to go about boosting morale. It's all about building up confidence and making your lady feel attractive and if you do think that the outfit is a little too much then gently suggest a cardigan or throw to compliment the outfit as it 'is a little chilly outside'.