Anna Batho is a Masters student at Leeds University and is looking at the positive effects of texting on the longevity of a relationship, ultimately avoiding divorce and relationship dissolution. We talk to her about why this technology is becoming so invaluable to a couple’s survival.
Relationships on Female First
Why can a simple text help to save a relationship from divorce in the long term?
It's unlikely that one form of communication on its own can save a relationship, let alone a single text. What texts can do is bridge gaps in communication at times when you can't be with someone to show them affection and at times when talking is difficult. Simply by showing someone affection through a text, we can communicate how fondly we feel about our partner, and this has been shown to strengthen the bond, and improve relationship satisfaction. What's interesting is we don't even need to get affectionate back to feel better about the relationship, so giving affection brings relationship benefits even when it's not reciprocated.
Why are increased displays of affection integral to preventing relationship breakdown?
Displays of affection are helpful throughout the relationship; at the start, middle and also if you're worried it's at the end. It's roots are in human survival; by giving affection, we're strengthening our relationship and this in turn makes us more likely to stay together, to pro-create and to ensure our genes live on. Why did affection come to be so important? Researchers have theorised that affection in men and women illustrates to your partner that you will be able to care for a child in a positive way, so that any offspring will grow strong and flourish because they're well looked after.
Why is showing affection not as easy as it sounds?
For lots of reasons. In today's busy world, we are often ships that pass in the night, juggling childcare, jobs, often multiple families and friendship groups, so much so that we often neglect our partners because we simply don't have the time and energy to do so. In addition, with life's stresses, we often take out our angst on our partners, and relationships can fray. In situations like these, the last thing you feel like is sitting down and telling someone they're special! Also, after the initial bloom of excitement, we get out of the habit of displays of affection, so to get back in the habit it might be useful to start small and increase it gradually! That's why texting affectionately could be so helpful and convenient.
How can text messages be a hindrance as well as a help in relationships?
That's not something I've studied or researched; from personal opinion, I imagine text messages fall short of expressing intonation or tone, and can be misunderstood therefore can cause problems. They can also be annoying / frustrating in excess. When someone doesn't reply to your text this can be a source of frustration as we cannot see the circumstances in which they are on and the things preventing them from replying.
Please tell us about your inspiration for the study.
I'm studying Psychology and have found that many of the studies don't relate to real life or rather they don't relate to things that really matter to normal people. Most people have a relationship at some stage and most people will go through difficulties. I wanted to understand what tools there are out there which could help us help ourselves. Tools that cost nothing, which suit our lifestyles without going in for some heavy course of therapy which is costly and might not work.
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