By Ashley Palmer
Relationships on Female First
Our society is ever more focussed upon celebrity relationships, and the sad inevitable facts are that many will end, with the fallout being played out to a global audience. It's an unsavoury fact of life, but celebrity divorces make big news, and often children are dragged into the media spotlight as the families come to terms with the aftermath.
Some break-ups like Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow look incredibly amicable, and they may inspire us to take the same level of 'child-focused separation' into our own lives. However, others like the ongoing Madonna and Guy Ritchie public disagreement provide the reality check that, no matter how much money and adulation people have, we are all human, and with that comes the emotional rollercoaster of a relationship breakdown.
The end of a relationship can be traumatic for any of us. Everyone ventures into a relationship and/or parenthood full of hopes and dreams. However, the aftermath can leave the best of us with a whole gamut of negative emotions, underlining most of these is fear! Fear that we are losing our family, our status, our home, our stability and any control we may have felt we had. If we're not careful, it's too easy to transfer these negative emotional impulses onto our decision making when it comes to our children.
We don't know, nor should we, the details of Madonna and Guy's family situation, just as we also don't know the truth of our next door neighbour's break-up. However, we do know that if we could give children a voice to speak for themselves it may offer them some relief that they are being heard; to understand that their feelings also matter when it comes to where they go on what given day.
In this country a great deal of work is being done to help parents realise that going to court and fighting each other is not only cripplingly expensive (the more money you have, the more you spend it fighting), but it takes its toll on everyone, including the children. And they certainly don't have to have been physically present in the courtroom to feel the fallout.
It's not for me, nor any member of the public to have an unsolicited opinion on Madonna and Guy's family situation, outside of hoping they sort a satisfactory solution for all parties, particularly any children involved. However, if there is something good that can come out of the public nature of this dispute then it surely must be to remind ourselves that good open communication is so important in any break-up.
For many people it's hard to know where to start, which is why it makes far more sense to sit down in a room with an impartial professional, who is trained to get the emotional tipping point back to neutral - a place where the fog of anger can thin out enough to see more clearly.
There are Family Mediators all over the country, so if you are in a relationship break-up with children involved, then, please, do them a favour and communicate and mediate. You'll find it makes a very painful process a whole lot less hurtful in the short-term and the long-term change so much happier for everyone concerned.
Ashley Palmer is a qualified Family Mediator at The Family Mediation Association. For more information visit www.thefma.co.uk.
tagged in Family Relationship