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Relationships on Female First
There are definitely pro's and con's with working with your family. For me overall, it's the winning combo. I know that we could not have achieved what we have without a season of work taking over our lives (however 'unhealthy' that sounds, it's just the truth! Sometimes getting a big project or a business off the ground requires ALL of you for a time) and if my spouse wasn't in on that, then the health of our relationship could have taken a much bigger hit in the process. Here are some of the pros and cons about working with your spouse:
- It's harder to switch off. To a degree I think this is the case for anyone who owns their own business, but it can be worse when you live with your colleagues! My brother lives with us too, and the 3 of us started the TV production company together to make The Ayala Show. If we hadn't pooled our home and all our resources then we couldn't have done it. It has been a whirlwind rollercoaster to get it off the ground and it has required our sweat and blood! I do sometimes wonder if I would get away with this lifestyle if I was married to someone who I didn't work with!!
- It makes a big difference to be able to steel a moment here and there, grab quick coffees or food together. This is a wonderful plus point to working together and to being self employed during such a hectic time, and has been a real saviour to our relationship. It makes it easier to juggle relationship and work simultaneously just on a practical level!
- When there are struggles or difficulties to navigate at work, he REALLY understands because he is also suffering them simultaneously, so we can go through the difficult times all together.
- Then again… we have the same lows and highs and sometimes there isn't one to pick up the other! It can also be a good thing when your highs and lows contrast in a couple!
- An obvious negative can be that if we disagree at work there is potential for us to bring it home and for it to get personal and create marital tension! This has definitely happened to us.
- As a result of point 4, I think we have learned that extra boundaries are needed for us, probably more boundaries then if we worked at different jobs in separate places.
- I do miss 'missing' him. Sometimes I envy my friends that work more 'regular' jobs and reunite with their partner at the end of the day! If I'm not traveling for gigs then I like to get away for a night to visit a friend or family every 3 or 4 months to balance this out!
- This particular project has required a lot of us and we haven't seen as much of friends and other support networks in the last year, so there's perhaps more needed of one another as a result. I think ultimately it's healthier to share more of life's walk with others then we've been able to… but I know this is just seasonal right now!
- When there's a deadline to meet and everyone else has gone home, the buck stops with my husband, my brother and myself so if working through the night to meet it is required then that is what we do- but then at least we can share that experience together and keep each other company! There's no angry spouse at home saying 'but I haven't seen you for 4 days!!'
- We share the same dreams. An excellent plus! I definitely think that sharing a career and therefore the same goals as your husband makes the focus clearer. Especially when you are as passionate about your job as we are.
The good thing is that we each have different strings to our bows, we aren't just making the TV show, we write for other artists, I am a solo artist and my hubby is a producer and works with other artists aside from me! There are still jobs we each do alone- for example gigs for me, and I will be touring at some point soon. He will be producing someone elses's record where I'm not needed etc. The Ayala Show has definitely cost us in our personal lives to make, but overall it's more then worth it and I do love working with my husband and having him around to share in the crazy journey!!
Ayala is a solo artist (www.musicofayala.com) and TV Presenter of The Ayala Show (a live music TV show introducing new music). The Ayala show can be watched on Friday nights at 10pm on IRISH TV (SKY 191 or Freesat 400) or seen on catchup on www.irishtv.ie The Ayala Show YouTube channel has lots of clips too: www.youtube.com/theayalashow