Founder of Professional dating site The Inner Circle, tells us how to, and how not to approach someone you find attractive
Relationships on Female First
We've all been there; you look across the room and there stands possibly the most attractive person you have ever seen, but you dread the thought of approaching them through fear of rejection.
Comfortingly, these feelings are ones that everyone experiences, and ones that can easily be overcome. David Vermeulen, founder of exclusive dating platform The Inner Circle, has provided us with his top dos and don'ts, to be used when approaching someone you find attractive.
DON'T: Wait for the right moment
There is never going to be a 'right time' to approach someone. You will always be able to come up with reasons why not to do it. Furthermore, umming and ahhing about approaching someone will just increase your anxiety. So just bite the bullet and DO IT!
DON'T: Overdo it on the touching.
Why ruin an otherwise wonderful meet, with too many unnecessary hugs. Remember, you don't know each other. What could you possibly have to hug about?!
DON'T: Use pick up lines.
If a pick up line seems inappropriate, or possibly even offensive when sober, this will still be true after a couple of drinks, and after encouragement from your drunk friends to lead with it. A simple, non rehearsed opening will more than suffice.
DON'T: Ever talk about anything of monetary value
If you are trying to impress someone, bragging about how much money you earn or, heaven forbid, asking them how much money they earn, is not the way to go about it. If your attraction towards someone is genuine, there should be no need to discuss money because it is not going to have an influential role in the matter. If however, you are thinking short-term, and don't mind attracting the wrong sort of person, then go ahead, make the topic of the night money!
DON'T: Try and add them as a friend on Facebook while you are still talking.
Firstly, having to add someone on Facebook requires you to be on your phone, which is very rude. Secondly, jumping straight to the friend request is something we did in the early 2000s; you are not 13 anymore. Lastly, getting a friend request from the person you fancy, instead of their number is like a runner up prize; less special, less meaningful, and given out a lot more frequently.
DON'T: Send a friend to go and talk to them for you.
Closely related to the point on confidence; getting your friend to do your leg work will make you seem like you have none. Plus, isn't it more awkward to then have to be called over to your crush with a tentative wave from your friend? What happens once you get there and what will you say when the inevitable is asked: 'Why didn't you just approach me yourself?'
DON'T: Act like an idiot if you get rejected: angry, rude, upset, offended.
Sometimes getting rejected stings a little, but could happen for a number of reasons. Maybe they are seeing someone else. Maybe they just want a night out with their friends. Quite possibly they aren't interested in dating anyone at the moment. It could also very easily be, they are just not that into you. Whichever reason it may be, do not take it personally. After all, how could you when you barely know each other? Brush yourself off and politely wish them a lovely evening. Acting out will only confirm they were right to reject you in the first place.
DO: Use eye contact.
Eye contact is the number one sign of being attracted to someone. It is also a very accurate way of determining early on if your feelings of attraction are reciprocated. If, when you catch someone's eye, they immediately look away and don't look back, it's probably safe to say they are not interested. If however, they smile and keep looking back at you, that's a good indication you are safe to make the approach.
DO: Approach with confidence.
Approaching someone with confidence will instantly draw them in. Too often we over criticise ourselves, and our actions. Being sure of what you are about to do will have a direct impact on the way you walk and the way you talk. Do remember though, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and no one enjoys the latter.
DO: Open conversation on a positive note.
Being able to make someone laugh, and whip up some reciprocal witty banter is a sure way to get you noticed. If however, you do not have a natural ability to make the opposite sex laugh, just be yourself and show a genuine interest in what the other person has to say.
DO: Actually have something to talk about.
It's impossible to predict where a conversation will end up, but having a few opening lines in mind is a good way to make sure your conversation doesn't come to a swift and futile conclusion. You do not need to over think these openers; they can be as simple as asking for their name. If the other person is interested, the conversation will flow because they will want to find out more about you.
DO: Ask for their phone number if all is going well.
No one wants to be left in the wilderness of dating limbo. If your gut tells you that you really hit it off and you can imagine going on a second date, pluck up the courage and ask for their number. Chances are they will say yes.
DO: Sit next to them.
Standard practice is to try and leave a space between you, and the next person. NOT doing this, will help signal your interest. However, if the person promptly gets up and leaves, do not follow them. If they were interested in you, that was the perfect opportunity to strike up a conversation.
DO: Smile!
This is probably one of the easiest do's on the list. Remember, no one likes to be approached by someone with a steely look of determination on their face. It feels uncomfortable, forced, and quite frankly a bit scary: #strangerdanger
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