Are you getting any love mail?
One upon a time- phone calls and love letters were the direct way to let someone know that you were interested and gave you something to send to a prospective partner. Now it’s arguable that love letters have evolved into Facebook messaging and emails- but how can we know for sure that these communications are an indication of potential love? Broadbandchoices.co.uk and behavioural psychologist Jo Hemmings are here to reveal the digital dating etiquette.
Although 50% of Brits are ok with asking someone out for date face to face, but a third are too bashful to pick up the phone and suggest an outing.
On the other end of the scale 2 in 5 people are happy to Facebook and text, but not bold enough to ask someone out in person. A fifth opt for the private Facebook messaging service to express their interest.
40% of people also said that they think social media and apps like (WhatsApp, Facebook, FaceTime, and Snapchat) are the easiest way to flirt. Over a quarter said they opt for Snapchat when trying to impress someone they like.
Jo Hemmings, a dating and behaviour expert, comments: “We have moved from the innovation of the mobile phone being an amazing way to communicate to a place where a lot of people find it embarrassing to call someone. If you’re confident and looking for something fun and casual, WhatsApp and Snapchat are great places to start. If you want something potentially a little more meaningful - or don’t want to reveal (or see!) anything a bit naughty - stick with text messages or Facebook. And if you want someone to know that you mean serious business and you’re prepared to be bold, pick up the phone. It shows real effort and confidence.”
There are drawbacks however, with one in 5 admitting that their naughty message went to the wrong person such as a parent or the wrong partner!
Let’s leave initiating a romance for a second and focus on the act of dumping someone- 1 in 8 Brits would dump someone over text, Facaebook message or public message letting them know of their introns, ouch!
Jo adds: “It’s shocking that more people would end a relationship with a partner on their Facebook wall rather than end it via their work email. Both methods are a bit cowardly and dumping someone publicly means they are either hurt and want the world to know or just plain cruel!”
“The situation moves on when you end a relationship – however casual it was. Don’t go near Snapchat for that, and only use WhatsApp or Facebook if you’re really bottling it. Email and text are sometimes acceptable but only marginally so, and if there is any sort of exclusivity or commitment, face-to-face (or a phone call for the less courageous) is the only decent way to go. Nothing beats the self-assurance and decency of a phone call or a face-to-face convo. You’ll feel better for it.”
Brits on the whole are timid when it comes to affairs of the heart- with 53% not posting on their Facebook page that they are in a relationship even after 6 month’s of dating someone as they believe that is not long enough to constitute a status update. Some believe a year is still not long enough.
Dominic Baliszewski, telecoms expert at broadbandchoices.co.uk, commented: “Digital dating and social media have only been around for a relatively short time but it is fascinating to see how they have altered the way we interact with one another, particularly for people seeking new relationships.
“All that online messaging can eat through your mobile data, so make sure you have a plan with enough of a download allowance to avoid any untimely interruptions to your service.”
JO HEMMINGS’ GUIDE TO WHAT YOUR SOCIAL COMMS SAY ABOUT YOU:
‘The daddy of all social media platforms, nobody ever ‘pokes’ anyone anymore, so what kind of person starts a relationship on Facebook and how would they do it? Liking something is obviously the weakest way of expressing your romantic interest. It’s a bit too easy. And writing on their wall is way too public for intimacy to flourish. With over 50% of people preferring to use Facebook to communicate with someone rather than have any direct communication, the best way to contact an existing friend with the potential to take things a step further would be via PM. It shows effort and confidence.’
‘If you have their number, WhatsApp is an ideal way of starting a relationship with someone. Less formal than a text, it’s speedy, you can see when someone is online/has read your message and gives you the potential to take things forward pretty quickly. Flirty pictures via Whatsapp are a whole lot more fun than attaching a picture via text!’
Text Message
‘If your intended playmate isn’t on WhatsApp – or doesn’t seem to be very active on there – text message is the next best thing. It’s straightforward and can move on quite quickly. Text message relationships can really suit the less tech savvy or shyer people. But just like WhatsApp, just because you can see someone has read your message, it doesn’t give you licence to harass them for a response – that’s just creepy…
Phone call
‘It takes a confident person to ask someone out on a date via the phone and shows a resilience and self-assurance that is attractive. Also if you want to end a relationship, and can’t bear a face-to-face, this is definitely the most courteous way to do it - even if most of your relationship has been conducted via other means.’
Snapchat
‘Getting your message across by Snapchat is a great way to flirt. Its fun, it’s easy and is very flirtatious – especially as those messages disappear so easily. Lots of people agree, so something must be working! However, never end a relationship by Snapchat. You don’t need me to tell you that it’s almost as mean as and more cowardly than posting a message on your partner’s Facebook wall’!
‘Back in the day email was a great way to flirt and make your intentions known. But most of us can’t tell whether someone has read our email and some seem to ‘mysteriously’ never arrive in a recipient’s inbox. Also a lot of people associate emails with work – or even spam – so unless you don’t know someone’s phone number or you know that they aren’t exactly out there tech wise, it’s probably only good to start a relationship this way as a last resort. But, conversely, the formality of email is a good way to end a relationship if you can’t manage a face-to-face or a phone call. Though beware using a work email address –it might be more public than you think and even if it’s not, dumping someone via email in their open plan office, when they may not have been expecting it, is simply not nice at all.’
‘If you want to start an intimate relationship with someone LinkedIn is probably the worst place to start. Being primarily a work tool, it either shows extreme anxiety about potential rejection or the fact that you are defined by your job.’
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