Any advice for me?
Hayley Quinn is back and today she is addressing the issue of what ifs in relationships!
Female First’s discussion board member asks:
Where do I start.............
in 1997, I had a girlfriend who I know I loved. We had some great times together but it came to an end in late 98.
I met my wife in late 98 and we have a little girl now and a new baby on the way but can’t help thinking how things may have been with my ex. We were engaged until our split.
My ex and I are still friends. She has 3 kids now, married and we talk quite regularly but I always think how things could have been if we hadn’t split.
I am very confused and a little drunk as I write this!
Me and my pregnant wife seem to argue a lot lately. We have always got on well until recently but finances are playing a big part at the minute.
Any advice for me? Am I still dwelling on the past too much or am I going to go the rest of my days with too many "what ifs”?
HELP
Hayley says:
The grass is always greener and never more so when you're dealing with the realities of financial difficulties and a baby on the way.
However, as I hope you know, the reality of that 'other life' with your ex may not be nearly as rosy as you imagine.
When we're friends with someone (as you and your ex are) we get a much more limited, and therefore glossier, view of their life compared to someone we see day in, day out- warts and all.
Right now, the fantasy of your ex feels like an escape route from you doing the hard graft of fixing up your existing relationships and finances. Understandably, going back to a simpler time with your ex probably feels exciting; but I suspect what you're really looking for is a time in your life when you had less responsibility.
The most valuable exercise you can do to see the wood through the trees (or green grass) is to split up your problems into different categories i.e. finances, relationship with wife, parental responsibilities etc.
Then work on resolving each area one by one: because only when your house is in order can you make good, clear decisions about what you really want.
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