Heartbreak coach Laura Yates talks us through how to deal with changes in your partner's looks.
Through childbirth perhaps
Relationships can often be tested when one partner's image changes. Whether it's weight related, changes to the female partner's body after childbirth or even cosmetic surgery, all of these can impact attraction and how we handle that. So how do we cope with these ups and downs when it comes to physical attraction?
Weight loss can be a sensitive one. If one person in the relationship starts pursuing lifestyle changes with weight loss a result of that, what can often happen is despite them perhaps feeling more confident in their bodies and therefore feeling more attractive, the other partner can become scared or even jealous. They might find even find their partner more physically attractive but become threatened by this and want to keep them the same because that's safe. The key here is communication and compromise. The person wanting to lose weight should be honest about why they want to do it and how being their best, healthiest self will also make them better in the relationship as ultimately they'll be happier and feeling more vibrant and energetic. They could encourage their partner to get involved in more health-focused activities too and make it something they embark on together.
It's all about supporting each other and still making sure that you both make each other feel good, loved, wanted and special regardless of weight or appearance. It should be a positive experience for both people; encouraging each other to be your best selves and not holding your partner back if they want to make positive lifestyle changes or trying to sabotage that, which can often happen! If that situation occurs then it only highlights their insecurities and you would perhaps need to question whether they really have your best interests at heart.
Other indicators to look out for include your partner talking negatively about your appearance, making you feel guilty about swapping your usual night on the sofa in favour of exercise or even your partner becoming more unhealthy as a way of rebelling.
Cosmetic surgery can also be a difficult one. If you are considering it, then ultimately this is your choice. However, if you are in a committed relationship, you probably should communicate to your partner and express what you are unhappy about and your reasons for wanting to change it as they might have concerns about why you want to change your appearance. They might feel it’s because you’re not getting enough from them. So taking the time to reassure them that it's something you want to do - for you. When people have surgery, sometimes it's to try and rectify a feeling of not being 'good enough' as they are, which might also have stemmed from something they're not getting in the relationship. This is why communication is so important as not matter how much surgery they have if that issue isn't addressed, that feeling will never subside. However, plenty of people have surgery because they simply want to change something or up their confidence and there aren't any psychological factors influencing that. Their partner might not agree and can express that they don't feel it's necessary and that they see them as beautiful or attractive no matter what, but that they support them if it's what they want to do. This also depends on the extremity of the survey too. It can be difficult to know how to handle your partner wanting to look completely different!
tagged in relationships Partner