You can have this!
The aim of the game hasn’t changed, but the way we play it certainly has. Dating remains one of life’s biggest challenges – a test of confidence, nerves, charm and psychological second guessing; for some participants the process of finding love is nothing but fun and excitement, while for others it’s closer to a genuine ordeal. It’s little wonder, then, that so many have turned to online Dating when it comes to pursuing affairs of the heart.
If you’re single and looking to meet someone, whether it be to develop a long term relationship or for companionship, it can be difficult knowing where to start. Where do you start? If you’re in your 20s, attending university and socialising every weekend, there’s a fair chance you’ll have no shortage of opportunities to bump into someone, but for a different age demographic, and for individuals in other circumstances, it might not be quite so ‘easy’.
Many people have met their partner at work. Office romances can flourish into thriving relationships because the couple has known one another for a period of time, and the attraction has evolved. They’ve seen each other most days, and probably seen the good and bad of each other - tired, stressed, distracted, happy. Sounds a lot like marriage, doesn’t it? But that’s simply not an option for some – the self-employed, the retired, those who work remotely, or have anti-social hours. Not only that, the demands of particular careers and jobs make it tough for some people to get out and about outside of work; spare time is squeezed to the minimum and the opportunity to meet new people is limited.
This partly explains the explosion in popularity of online dating – there are now more than 1,400 websites in the UK alone. However stretched your personal time may be, there is usually an opportunity to browse online and strike up a conversation with someone who seems a suitable and potential match. This, of course, is the ace up the sleeve of online dating; that member ability to read profiles, identify individuals with similar interests and therefore narrow the playing field.
The public perception of online dating is certainly positive – according to statistics from MySingleFriend, 59% of people feel it’s a good way to meet people, and when matches click, there’s evidence to suggest that they seriously click. Courtship before marriage is much shorter when two people meet online than in person; 18 months online in comparison to 42 months offline.
Kirsty and Steve Fate met using MySingleFriend and married in 2013. Theirs is a success story for finding love in the modern era.
“What appealed to me with online dating was that you could say what you were looking for and find someone who was looking for the same thing,” said Kirsty. “Unlike trying to approach someone in a bar where they could be taken or looking for something different. I like how it cuts to the chase.”
“I would never have approached a girl in a bar, so getting to know someone through messages first makes it a lot less awkward when you meet them,” said Steve. “I can be quite a shy person when I first meet someone, so using a dating website made this a lot easier and breaks the ice.”
Initial concerns were harboured by both of them: “I was concerned that no one would message me or reply to my messages,” admitted Steve. “I realise now that the girl at the other end feels exactly the same way.”
“I was worried that when I met Steve in person for the first time he wouldn't like me,” Kirsty confided. “I had never been on a blind date before so when Steve and I went on our first date, which was also my first online dating date, I did choose a bar that I knew had two exits in case he was an axe murderer, which seems ridiculous now…..”
What worked for this particular couple has also been experienced by others who have met, dated and fallen in love thanks to the internet. Kirsty revealed: “Since meeting Steve, a lot of people have asked me how we first met. I happily tell them that we met online and 9 times out of 10 they will say that they, or someone they know, met online. When I first started using online dating, I do remember getting a few funny looks from friends and family. Especially my mother who said it would be full of weirdos, but I'm very happy I proved them all wrong (although Steve is a bit of a weirdo, but I like that) and it has become a lot more accepted.”
“Now that the average person owns a smartphone and/or a laptop, we are spending more and more time online so it makes sense. Some people might tell you this is a bad thing, but I love my gadgets and I love my technology, and without it I wouldn't have met Steve.”
Steve added: “It is so easy to do and there are so many success stories of people who have found someone though online dating, that I think people are thinking, why not?”
Unsurprisingly, Mr and Mrs Fate both heartily recommend others follow their route to romance. “Go for it,” said Steve. “Put yourself out there. What have you got to lose?
I also think it's important to have good quality and realistic images. And smile. Kirsty still tells me how bad my photos were as I wasn't smiling!
“My advice,” said Kirsty, “is that if you are going to join a dating website you need to be proactive and actively get out there. Message as many people as you can and don't just message one type of person, as this is such a good opportunity to meet someone who is different to what you had in mind and totally change your life.”
Online dating isn’t quite the headline act in the world of love, however. Meeting through mutual friends is still thought to be the most popular way of finding a date – that old method of setting a pal up with up another singleton, making the introductions and then leaving them to it. Hopefully to hit it off spectacularly.
But the reality is, chance encounters can become something more meaningful, and love can materialise from the most unlikely of scenarios; sometimes when it is least expected. It is well known that Ben Fogle, the TV presenter and adventurer, met his wife after walking his dog, Inca - and that Inca gave him the perfect opportunity to start a conversation. That’s not an unusual scenario; dog walking is a popular activity, very often structured around a routine, and so owners will typically see the same, familiar faces as they exercise their pups. Looking for love? Get a dog; they can be brilliant ice-breakers and talking points.
Even day-to-day activities can throw up pleasant surprises. A friend of mine met his partner when they both reached for the same bottle of wine on a shelf in their local supermarket – it was the only one of that type remaining. Needless to say, one thing led to another, and it wasn’t long before telephone numbers were exchanged, and he was hosting dinner for her. No prizes for guessing the kind of wine that was served!
Another acquaintance was stood up by blind date in a bar, but decided to stay and finish his drink before sloping home, dejected. He happened to spot another solitary patron looking rather fed up, plucked up the courage to approach her, and discovered she’d also been left abandoned by a first date. That was seven years go – they’ve been married for five and have two children now.
That’s the beauty of Cupid’s arrow – it has a habit of striking without warning and when it’s least expected. Finding love the modern way: everything has changed, and yet everything has stayed the same.
tagged in dating