A recent study by Ibis has revealed that women dream most about their partners leaving them. We talk to sleep psychologist Ian Wallace about why this is and what our dreams can tell us about our waking thought process.
Dreams on Female First
What are dreams?
Dreams are our most fundamental form of self-expression. Every day we absorb millions of unconscious experiences that we are unable to process consciously. We use our dreams as a natural and effortless way to make sense of all these unconscious experiences and the potential confusion and paradox that they may involve. By becoming more aware of the insights that we create in our dreams, we can learn how to identify who we really are, what we really need and what we truly believe.
Why do women have regular dreams about their partner cheating on them?
Dreaming that your partner is having an affair is the 21st most common dream. Both men and women create this dream but women tend to be more affected by it in waking life. When a woman dreams that her partner is being unfaithful, it is usually triggered by her beginning to lose faith in her own power and attractiveness in day-to-day life for some reason. This can often happen when a situation in her daily life is frustrating and causing her to lose confidence in herself. In general, women are encouraged not to assert themselves in waking life and this can mean that they can feel less confident when they have to stand up for themselves. This need for approval can lead women to abandon ambitions that are close to their heart and they can then unconsciously feel that they have let themselves down. This dream is letting them know that they are betraying their abilities in some way and so losing faith in their talents. This can often lead them to rely too much on approval from other people to make them feel needed and special. Rather than constantly looking to others to make them feel attractive and bolster their confidence, this dream is encouraging them just to be themselves. By having faith in her own abilities, a woman can step into her power and really make a difference. As she does so, this recurring dream will quickly fade away.
Why are women more likely to have a dream of this nature than men?
Women tend to report this dream more than men do, although both men and women seem to create it with similar frequency. Women are more likely to focus on this dream because it reflects a situation in day-to-day life where they feel that they need to assert their confidence and then display their talents. From a cultural point of view, many women feel that it is not their place to be confident and assertive, and so they end up betraying their talents in some way. The more confident that a woman is in her undoubted abilities, the more likely it is that she will move on from this dream and realise her real power in her day-to-day life.
Why do people follow their dreams when it comes to relationships?
People follow their dreams when they come to relationships because all the characters that the dreamer creates are reflections of aspects of their own character. Although most people think that a dream is something that happens to them, the reverse is true. The dreamer happens to the dream and creates everything in the dream, all the characters, all the places, all the events and everything that they encounter. Any character that the dreamer creates in the dream is a reflection of a particular personal characteristic that they find to be powerful and attractive. In waking life, we are usually drawn towards people who have a quality that we unconsciously recognise in ourselves and would like to become more intimate with. Other people do not invade our dreams. We create these characters to symbolise qualities that we find attractive and this is often the trigger to start a relationship, as we realise that we have become unconsciously aware of a powerful quality in someone else that we are really drawn to.
Why do people use dreams to make big life decisions?
The word 'dream' has two meanings in our language – it can mean that the nightly phenomena that we all create and it also means our greatest hopes and ambitions in waking life. Although these two meanings of dream seem to be quite separate, our unconscious awareness connects them at a fundamental level. By paying attention to our nightly dreams, we can usually become more aware of how to achieve our dreams in day-to-day reality. As dreaming is the most fundamental form of human self-expression, it is also the time when we are at our most authentic selves. Dreaming is one of the most honest and natural ways in which we can express our truest selves.
Why do women dream about her partner becoming unwell?
Dreaming about a partner being unwell is the 29th most common dream. When we dream of a partner being poorly, it often symbolises that we perhaps feel that there is something unhealthy about the relationship. This is usually a very positive sign as it indicates there is a great opportunity to form an even deeper and healthier bond of intimacy with the partner. It often indicates that the woman has an unhealthy dependency on her partner and this can be an encouragement to be more responsible and self-reliant in waking life. This also resonates with the dream of a partner cheating on them, as it is also encourages women to be more confident and assertive.
Why can falling out with a partner affect the woman's sleep cycle?
Falling out with a partner can often create a number of unresolved tensions that a woman may find it challenging to resolve confidently. She may find it difficult to bring a particular issue up without it becoming overemotional and she can often fear that she will just make the situation worse. It sometimes seems easier just to say nothing rather than to cause discord and upset. These unresolved tensions can cause a lot of sleepless nights and often the woman will hope that the situation will just sort itself out. In reality, however, the best way to work through this situation and form a deeper and stronger bond with a partner is to confront the issue in a gracious and powerful manner. Often the best way to do this is to focus on the issue, rather than the partner. Instead of trying to place blame and win arguments, it is always valuable to look at the contributions from both partners to the situation and then work through it as a team, rather than just trying to score points against each other.
What are your top tips for talking about dreams with a partner?
Dreams can offer great insights into some of the apparently unconscious aspects of intimate partnerships. The natural language of dreams is imagery and symbolism, so it is always very useful to pick the most powerful image that you have created in your dream and concentrate on that, rather than trying to describe the whole dream in minute detail. By focusing on the most powerful image, you can then communicate the power of your dream to your partner. Otherwise, it might seem a bit boring to them, no matter how amazing it might seem to you. By creating a question based on this powerful image, you can open up a powerful conversation with your partner. The best way to create a question is to name the image from your dream and use that as a key part of the question. For example, dreaming that your partner has been unfaithful does not mean that you instantly have to accuse them of cheating on you. Instead, ask them questions such as...
"What areas in my life do you think that I could be more confident in?" or "Where can I assert my talents more confidently?"
You could also ask questions like...
"What areas of my abilities can I work on to give me the practical confidence that I need?" and "Where do you think I might be letting myself down by not having enough confidence in my talents?"
Asking questions like these will get you into deeper conversations with your partner and will usually reveal surprising and valuable insights about how you can support each other and strengthen your bond of intimacy. These conversations will naturally lead to positive results and healthy activity with your partner. A dream is just a dream until you put it into action.