Oh my god, where do I find them?!
Sex on Female First
I was dying to tell you all about the fabulous new SINGLE man in my life. He could well have signalled the end of my life as a serial mistress. I was getting a few amazing dates under my belt, I was going to take my time and make sure he was worth talking about and, to be honest, I didn't want to jinx the budding relationship, before I told you all about him. I have said for years I would only give up my married men and my single life for someone truly amazing, and over that time I have dated some good, some bad and definitely some ugly, but this one felt different. He was very special indeed. Very handsome, easy to get on with, and an absolute pleasure with whom to spend my limited spare time.
Yes, I'm talking in the past tense because you know life can't possibly be that kind, or 'Mills and Boon'! I had to let him go. His position as my potential boyfriend (gosh I hate that word when you're over 40!) became untenable. Why? Did he cheat? Did he lie? Did he stand me up on a date? No. None of those things. He publicly showed what a racist, bigoted idiot he was! And that came from nowhere!
Normally, in the process of getting to know someone these things surface. I have been doing the internet dating thing for a very long time, and I have fine-tuned the selection process, but now and again one bad egg slips through the net. We had so much in common, our music tastes, our choice of comedians, even our outlook on life and a potential future. We fancied each other like mad, and the chemistry was palpable. But some things are complete deal breakers. In the past, if a man hasn't been quite right, I've found a ridiculous reason to end it (I'll never forget the man who put butter in my Marmite jar by using the same knife! He had to go!). But when a man is adorable I will overlook most major issues – after all, relationships are about compromise. But this? No. I simply couldn't.
I thought outspoken, hideous behaviour like this was a thing of the past. I know a couple of people in my life who (quietly) use racist language while telling a joke, or complain about the state of the country thanks to the immigration policies we have (or the lack of them), but they wouldn't dream of openly voicing their racism in public. Closet racists are milling about amongst us most days. I live very close to one of the biggest army bases in the country, and if you start a conversation about Afghanistan, naturally, their opinions are extreme. But I genuinely never expected to be thrust back to 1950's America, or even recent times in South Africa, by a man I was considering a potential relationship option.
We went out for a romantic lunch, to enjoy the sunshine and a couple of quiet drinks. We had planned a day of walks, laughter and good food. I'd been looking forward to it for over a week, and it was a lovely opportunity to kick back, relax, and forget the stresses and strains I have been experiencing lately.
The pub was on the banks of the most beautiful river, there was a gentle breeze to cool us in the stifling heat, and the drops of condensation crept down the bottle of ice cold wine we were enjoying. We were in the heart of Yorkshire, surrounded by idyllic scenery, tourists milling about and children laughing in the water. He held my hand across the table and gazed into my eyes while he made plans for the following weekend. I couldn't have been happier.
That's when I noticed his eyes watching someone settling down at the next table. I genuinely thought it was his ex-wife, or he'd recognised a suspect from Crimewatch. As it was going on behind me I thought it rude to turn and stare, so I whispered 'Is there a problem?'
With not even a hint of a whisper, and no intention of hiding his feelings, he said 'Damn right there is, I never expected to see any of them around here. Finish your drink. We're leaving.' Nothing on this earth would provoke that kind of comment from me, but I was curious now, who was he referring to? I was expecting a smile to break across his face as I would turn to see a bad pair of leggings, or even a botched fake tan, but his eyes darkened. 'Just leave your drink, I can't stay here another second. I can't stand it. That's the day ruined.' He stood up, angrily pushed his chair out of the way and walked out, leaving me behind, still wondering what he had seen.
That's when I turned and realised who (or what) I had been on my glorious date with. I felt sick at his reaction. I could have cried. A beautiful Asian family sat at the next table, the children giggling amongst themselves, but the dad staring at me with a look of embarrassment and disappointment. I was mortified. I mouthed 'Sorry' and ran to my car. I had met some bigots in my time but I never expected to be publicly humiliated by one. I wanted to punch him, and I had no idea where he was. I felt so sorry for the family, out enjoying the peaceful surroundings just like us. I couldn't imagine how horrific it must be to face that kind of prejudice anywhere. I felt sick.
I sat in my car for a few minutes to calm down when I heard a knock on my window. 'What are you doing here?' he barked. 'I only said we had to get out of there. I can't bear to be near people like that. We can carry on our date, just somewhere else. Somewhere 'they' don't go!' I shook my head and laughed. I didn't even want to look at him, never mind speak to him, and certainly never share a drink with him again.
I had a white towel on my passenger seat; I'd popped it in the car in case we got warm and sticky. I threw it at him through the window as I started my car. He held it, looking puzzled.
'Make yourself a hood!' I said. And drove off.
Karen uses dating site illicitencounters.com
tagged in relationships dating cheating Real Life Story Mistress